Hedonist to the Core

Quarter Life Crisis

2011-11-25T00:24:00.000+05:30

Came across this forward... Found it to be pretty relevant so couldn't help posting it here!!!

26-29 is not a nice age for a man... your ex-gfs are getting married, Your career has just started, Elders treat you as unproven theorems, College guys feel that you are too old to have in their group... You seem to enjoy both cartoon and news. You can no longer eat whatever you wish without putting on weight. You look like an ape if you don’t shave daily. You are not invited for weekend cricket matches.

Every Aunty you meet ask “Shaadi kab kar rahe ho beta!!” while uncle asks “Career ka kya socha hai beta…”... When the reality is that you are just riding the wave and going with the flow… You have all the confidence in the world but little achievements to show, You already have the first hand experience of the life, You know that whatever you have been taught about the world in schools has been sheer waste of time. You can be denied a job even after passing the test and you could be given a job if you know someone placed high enough… Politics till now was a dirty word but now you feel it everywhere.

You know now love is not that blind and that friendship has its terms and conditions…You know there is nothing for granted and free lunches are not free… Your overconfidence is now making way for a humble conscience… You now know it is not exactly what you thought it would be…

The Story of Sabun-drella

2011-11-15T22:28:00.000+05:30

Today I want to tell you a story. Its the story of Cinderella. Hmmm.. been there done that?? Ok, then tell me.. doesn't the story sound as the very pre-cursor of modern day Soaps. No?? Why not? It has the same elements of any soap!!

A sweet young girl with no mother (Now that is definitely Soap material)
A cruel stepmother and snobby stepsisters (More Soap)
Stepmother and stepsisters used to ill treat poor Cinderella (I'm already slipping)
And then a really big occasion - A Ball at the Palace.. and as expected Poor Cinderella left behind to do the dishes(Pure Soap)
By stroke of luck and magic Cinderella gets a beautiful dress.. a makeover.. and a spanking new ride to the Ball
Like all soaps.. kahani mein twist.. Cinderella has to be home by midnight or her magic will disappear
The Prince is charmed by Cinderella.
And as expected.. she rushes home at the stroke of midnight.. and like all big stars.. she has her own version of Wardrobe malfunction.. She leaves behind her slipper
Like in all soaps, the love birds cannot be together now.. there's got to be more epic-sodes.. so the Prince searches for the lady who will fit into this slipper.. but the slipper is highly customised.. made to order.. Must have been major trauma for the likes of Addidas and Nike... custom shoes for every sole!!!
And then enter Cinderella.. fresh out of the kitchen sink .. with soap in her hair and a soapy pan in her hand
The Slipper fits Cinderella's foot perfectly... the why on earth did it slip off in the first place??? Scripted Wardrobe Malfunction I would say!!
And they lived happily ever after.. now thats not very soapy.. in a Soap it would have taken years for this ending!!!

Now that's 100% Sabun-drella!!

Sun - सुन

2011-11-04T23:09:00.001+05:30

Arz kiya hai (Reposting a really old post)

Piye toh piye kaise...bina aapke...
Chadti nahin koi bhi (sharaab) bina aapke...
Piye toh piye kaise...haaeeey bina aapke...
Chadti nahin koi bhi...bina aapke...

Kaise kahun bina tere Whisky bhi yeh kya hogi..
Kaise kahun bina tere Whisky bhi yeh kya hogi..
Jaise koi sazaa koi kadwi dawaa hogi...
maine kiya hai.. yeh faisla...peena nahin hai tere binaaaa...

Piye toh piye kaise...bina aapke...
Chadti nahin koi bhi... bina aapke...

And those who have already read this one.. I'm sure by now everyone would have :P, here's a little more something..

Ae.. Kya bolti tu??

Ae.. Kya mein bolu??

SUN..

Suna..

Aati kya Byculla.. (kinda low on budget)

Kya.. karoon.. aake mein byculla..

Arre Zoo mein phirenge.. bandar nachaenge... Time pass karenge.. aur kya??

And yet another one..

Jhonka hawa ka aaj bhi.. zulfe udata hoga na.. Cigarette ka dhua aaj bhi tere.. mooh se nikalta hoga na!!!

Cold October Rain

2011-10-17T21:16:00.000+05:30

It's been a really long time since I "wrote" a post. A lot of my posts in the recent past have been photos with some forwards/lyrics etc etc scattered in between. Seems Hedonist to the core is slowly becoming Photographist to the core!!!!

Un-Digressing from other matters... errr Un-digressing is the opposite of digressing and has nothing to do with Undi-Dressing or for that matter Sunday Dressing both of which may mean one and the same these days!!!!

So as I was saying before I digressed from the point of Un-Digressing, Un-digressing from other matters and coming straight to the Title of the post. I am not going to write a parody of November Rain. Wish I could play guitar like the Slash Solo in that song but what I want to say today is slightly different!!!!

Oopsie daisy... Writers' block.. can't think of anything to say right now.. So I'll just digress to the first paragraph of this post. Talking bout Photographist to the Core... I'm not really a full blown photographer, and I don't even own a photographist device... Its just a itsy bitsy camera lens stuck at the back of my cellphone that answers to the name of Nokia N82. No this is not a sponsored post to praise Nokia phones, cuz the phone being mentioned is discontinued.. cuz it was kicking Nokia's newer camera phones' a$$ (that's what I'd to believe.. you may call it a case of sour grapes) with its 5MP camera with Carl Zeiss optics and a 100% Xenon Flash!!!!

So, this camera phone of mine gives me these results.. and even a couple of HDRs for that matter!!!!

Oh yeah.. I just remembered what I had started off writing this post about. This Sunday it had rained.. and damn.. it was cold.. BRRR!!!!

PS: Damn!! even this post eventually ended up as a photographistic album.. and yeah surplus of exclamation marks that I managed to pick up at the end of season's sale have found their way at the end of each para!!!!

Peek-a-Boo

2011-10-09T22:25:00.000+05:30

The Sun peeking from behind the canopy of branches. This meme is known as Skywatch

Another Amateur HDR

2011-10-03T22:45:00.000+05:30

What seems to look better?? The original one??

Or the HDR??

Wish I had a better camera... a better lens.. for that better shot of the critter up there!!!

No Parking

2011-09-16T22:36:00.000+05:30

Clouds making the other end of "Queens Necklace" seem even further away. And a couple stealing a few moments of solitude in this atmosphere near a No Parking Sign!! Hazy Skywatch

Har ek Boss Zaruri hota hai

2011-09-14T21:14:00.001+05:30

Another forward.. Sing it to the tune of the new Airtel theme song

Chai k Liye jaise Toast hota hai,
Waise har ek BOSS zaruri hota hai.

Koi friday evening review par bulaye
Koi saturday ko office bulaye
Ek teri idea ko apna bataye,
Aur Ek tera target har month badhaye

Koi nature se gentle, koi bura hota hai,
Par har ek boss zaruri hota hai.

Ek ghadi ghadi reviewi kare par kabhi kabhi advice de
Ek kabhi kabhi review kare aur ghadi ghadi advice de
Koi Gyan ka ghoomta phirta satellite,
Koi din raat rakhe team ko tight;

Koi welcomed hai, koi forced hota hai
Par har ek boss zaruri hota hai

Koi bossy boss, koi friendly boss
Koi Data crazy excel boss.
Moody boss, koi gloomy boss
Early morning office aane wala Boss,
Koi late night jaane wala Boss
Koi promote na kare aur appraisal me tarsaye
Koi good suggestion ko bhi thukhraye
Koi best friend aur, koi aloof hota hai
Par har ek boss Zaruri hota hai !

Naa nana naa nananana naa nananananananaaa naa nana naaaaaa

Wish someone could sing this.. would be a good laugh

No One Online

2011-09-09T00:30:00.001+05:30

Skywatch while no one was "on-line"

Ganpati Bappa Morya

2011-09-01T15:00:00.000+05:30

Something for Ganpati Bappa

Shaped by yours' truly :)

A Very Happy Ganesh Chaturthi to All!!

Laziness - A Virtue

2011-08-27T22:37:00.000+05:30

It all began like this.

It was there everywhere. On my wallpaper.. on my books.. everywhere..

And then a virtue by the name of Laziness kicked in. Why write/draw so much when just 25% of it looks equally good if not better.

And thus the brand was born.

Its an S with a lambda hanging from it. No its not an A

Thats the history behind my DP

NOW YOU KNOW!!!

Now if only I could think of a name for it. It might give the Nike's and Adidasses of the world a good run for their money.

I Dream of Genie - Reloaded

2011-08-24T22:17:00.001+05:30

The regular early morning yell of horror was the sound of DM waking up and suddenly remembering where he was.

It wasn't just that this shabby little house was cold, it wasn't just that it was damp and smelly. It was the fact that he had hardly seen anyone in years. Which was a relief in certain ways, as he hadn't been insulted at all in years.

He stepped out of the cottage and then it happened...

Image courtesy Flickr

He could see 2 headlights of some kind of a vehicle approaching. It was an ancient Ford F-350 straight out of Midtown Madness or was it Madtown Midness... too much effort to remember that. It came to a halt right next to him while he stood there in his usual crisis management pose - standing motionless with mouth wide open and eyes popping out letting it (the crisis or anything else that it may turn out to be) wash over him.

Out she stepped, a tall figure silhouted in the early morning sun, and walked towards him.

"You're a jerk, DM," she said in a cold voice that hit him with the full force of every inch of the 200 or so kilometers that lay between Mumbai and Pune.

"W...W...w...w." That was all DM could utter

She frowned briefly and reapeated, "DM, you're a jerk... A complete Asshole" and walked away to her Ford and was off in a flash, while DM was still in his crisis management pose with a tiny little "musca domestica" contemplating whether to explore that vast oesophagal tract belonging to DM.

This morning was sweet and fragrant as he emerged from the ramshackle cottage which he called home until he could think of a better name for it or find a better ramshackle cottage. The breeze flitted lightly around him, the birds were chirping at each other and the whole of nature was conspiring to be as pleasant as it could. But all these pastoral delights still couldn't console DM after that scathing insult.

"I feel like crying... I will go mad like this!!!" shouted DM.

"Good idea!" came a wheezy voice somewhere behind him.

DM's mind somersaulted thrice then flipped over itself for a fourth time. His jaws did a couple of push-ups. "W..w..w... hu... ru... Who's that?" Wheeling around he saw a ugly green couch sitting right in the middle of the slimy lawn of the ramshackle cottage which he temporarily called home until he could think of a better name for it...

He ran towards the couch. It had been a really long while since he had sat down on something softer than a rock. The couch bobbed away from DM. DM felt terrible pleased with himself. Only 2 minutes ago he had claimed he'd go mad and now he was chasing an ugly green couch across his lawn as it meandered in the lawn as if it was following its own complex mathematical or metaphysical topography, which it was. But it wasn't fast enough. DM was gaining on it. And soon it was within reach. DM leapt on it but it disappeared and he fell into nothingness. Falling down and down and down and down... and a little bit more downwards.

And then he stopped falling. There wasn't a sickening crash or a deafening splash that truncated his fall but a confusing phrrrrrrrrrrr as if it was a hippopotamus belching away to glory after having eaten to his heart's and fart's content.

And uske baad.... LAMBIII KHAMOSHI... for a moment nothing happened and for a minute or two after that nothing continued to happen. And there it lay...

A long forgotten dusty lamp. Right out of Sinbad the sailor or was that Aladin.. anyways nursery rhymes and historical crimes were not DM's forte. He simply walked over to the long forgotten dusty lamp trying to remember whether he had forgotten about it or whether someone had forgotten to tell him that they'd forgotten all about their precious old long forgotten lamp. DM tried to wipe off the dirt off the lamp and it started smoking.

Out popped a genie.

Image courtesy google

Not that "I dream of Jeannie" type babe-genie but a tall dark grizzled erie genie that seems to inhabit this type of ugly long forgotten dusty lamps. It said in a reverberating sound slightly more audible than a faint rasp of a sore throat,

"From the dark dank depths of the dinky lamp,
you have set me free.
And to thank thee,
I grant wishes three!!"

Feeling benevolent, DM said "I WANT WORLD PEACE!!!"

Genie thinks for a moment, "World peace is it??"

"Yes"

"Remove the I (Ego) and the WANT (Greed) and thou shalt have thy world peace. "

DM thinks, "Damn this stupid philosophical genie.. he wasted my one wish" and exclaims aloud, "now my second wish.."

Genie: Arre bhai!! recession ka zamaana hai, ek se hi kaam chala lo. Poof!! Genie goes back to his dark dank wretched depths of the dinky lamp living happily ever after.

And then there was that regular early morning yell of horror - the sound of DM waking up and suddenly remembering where he was. The TV set blaring on some news channel. And DM entangled in his bed-sheets with a copy of Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy - a trilogy in four parts.

Reposting this post which had earlier been published on N-Zine, the No Nonsense eNtertainmen magaZINE

Also do please check out an earlier post by the same name but a different premise

And for those who are still having trouble guessing where is this picked up from... this one's been adapted from Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy - a trilogy in four parts.

Happy Independence Day

2011-08-15T20:39:00.000+05:30

Happy Independence Day

The Walk

2011-08-14T11:57:00.000+05:30

Just yesterday, I walked home from work. Nothing great bout it.. just a 30 min walk. Nahhhh.. aint gonna blabber about the positives of walking and all... no nonsense about reducing pollution.. reducing cholestrol etc. etc. etc. etc. and a bit more etc. etc.etc.

While walking I saw a rotund, plump etc. etc. jogger doing his rounds while listening to his sounds on his I-Pod or something similar.

Felt like taking his full pic and publishing it here with the TITLE

IPODGE

PS: Joke picked up from Ricky Gervais' (one in the pic) numerous takes on fat people

PS2: nah.. I really did walk home from work that was not the joke..

Oh!! Fish!!

2011-08-06T23:30:00.001+05:30

Came across a fish tank (its too small to call an aquarium) It has about 8 to 10 fishes. Fish tanks have always fascinated me. I just love to poke my finger against the glass hoping the fish take notice of my finger and try to follow it. But every time I tried that... No one paid attention. :(

Just then I noticed, there were 2 really really TINY fish.. just hatched.. about a day or so old.. hiding beneath a decorative rock. And their Mommy hanging around them. Chasing other nosy characters away lest they accidently/deliberately swallowed up the young'uns.

Out of habit I ran my finger over the glass.. and ZOOOM.. the Mommy swooped in to chase away another enemy. :)

PS. Wish I could take a pic.. but didnt have the heart to expose the tiny ones to the xenon flash.

PS1. Happy Friendship Day to all!!!

Mouldy

2011-08-03T00:23:00.000+05:30

And as promised we are back with Harry Potter and the Kidney stone.. oops.. no no this time its Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. What do I have to say bout it??

Here goes.. from the book itself

We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter's the One,
And Voldy's gone mouldy, so now let's have fun!
--- Peeves

And all thanks to David Yates.. Voldy did really go mouldy... with all the bits of mould hanging around you in 3D...eewwwwww

Good movie.. Especially the Prince's Tale.. turned out better than I expected. Though could have better. But I don't want to raise the bar so high that I can't reach the bottles. So let the critique be left to the critics and lets get back to our favourite HP photo!!

And For the Love of Harry Potter, do check this out

Ohh and here's something to ponder about

Rings a bell.. lights a bulb etc. etc.. doesn't it??

Cribbin'

2011-07-30T22:30:00.000+05:30

Haven't had much to post bout these days... but don't wanna go into cribbin' mode like a lot of ppl around me.. So just postin' this song by the Eagles.

It's called Get Over It

I turn on the tube and what do I see
A whole lotta people cryin’ ’don’t blame me’
They point their crooked little fingers ar everybody else
Spend all their time feelin’ sorry for themselves
Victim of this, victim of that
Your momma’s too thin; your daddy’s too fat

Get over it
Get over it
All this whinin’ and cryin’ and pitchin’ a fit
Get over it, get over it

You say you haven’t been the same since you had your little crash
But you might feel better if I gave you some cash
The more I think about it, old Billy was right
Let’s kill all the lawyers, kill ’em tonight
You don’t want to work, you want to live like a king
But the big, bad world doesn’t owe you a thing

Get over it
Get over it
If you don’t want to play, then you might as well split
Get over it, get over it

It’s like going to confession every time I hear you speak
You’re makin’ the most of your losin’ streak
Some call it sick, but I call it weak

You drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin’ everybody down
Complain about the present and blame it on the past
I’d like to find your inner child and kick it’s little ass

Get over it
Get over it
All this bitchin’ and moanin’ and pitchin’ a fit
Get over it, get over it

Get over it
Get over it
It’s gotta stop sometime, so why don’t you quit
Get over it, get over it

Dedicated to all the Crib Masters out there!!! Its high time you GET OVER IT!!

HDR

2011-06-07T21:27:00.000+05:30

My first attempt at HDR.. or should I say my first three attempts :P

Here's more on HDR

Oh by the way.. all pics clicked on my N82 phone.. no special hardware used.. no comments about software :P

First Rains

2011-06-05T12:20:00.001+05:30

Transition from scorching sun to some wonderfully pleasant rains.

Had fun getting wet in the first rains and even more fun trying to capture individual drops of water on the cam

Bush in Mumbai

2011-05-30T22:42:00.000+05:30

OOooppsie.. was not talking about George Bush Sr. or Jr... but just bush!! In the middle of the office lawn!!!

Gotcha didn't I!!!

PS: Looking at the background, please do not presume that I work at a construction site :P

Of Women, O*ama and RAJINI!!

2011-05-20T23:14:00.000+05:30

Came across some really funny sms jokes!!!

India is now ruled by Amma in South,
Didi in East, Behenji in North,
Aunty in Capital,
Madam at the Center,
Nani on Top (The President) and
Wife at Home....

And yet people say It's a Man's world? Interesting isn't?

==============================================

Arre don't get so tense about this.. here's the height of Tension

Obama updated his status on fb..

"Osama is dead... Justice has been done"

He got a notification:

"Osama likes your status"

==============================================

More Rajinikant "Facts"

Once a farmer replaces the scare crow in the farm with Rajnikant's statue... The birds returned the grains they took last year as well.

If Rajnikant works in a BPO, the clients work in shifts!

Tonight at 9, Rajnikant can be seen in the sky.. He is participating in a high jump event!

Once a picture of Rajnikant was given for xerox. Don't even try to guess what happened... They got two copies of the Xerox machine!!!!

May Day!! May Day!!

2011-05-03T23:10:00.000+05:30

Uffff.. the heat.. too much... Even for the insects!! Check this out!!

Spot the Crow

2011-04-30T00:02:00.001+05:30

Lets see if you can find one!!!

And you're not getting any prizes for this one.. not even a fully sponsored 2 day-3 night trip to your neighbour's Loo!!! :P

Firecracker

2011-04-27T22:38:00.001+05:30

Firecracker yes.. but of a different kind.

The flower named Firecracker!!!

Cup Fever

2011-04-16T22:30:00.000+05:30

Pretty late for this but for the heck of it!!!

Anhoni ko honi karde...

Honi kanhoni...

Ek jagah jab jama ho teeno..

Rajni.. Ghajni... Ambani!!!

And what bout Dhoni??

Ummmm.. he's changed his hairstyle to look like the World Cup...

SAME TO SAME!!!

Cats and Dog

2011-04-09T21:49:00.001+05:30

Nothing much to write about these days so posting a couple of my caps...

Cat perched atop a car

And one underneath saying Do Not Disturb.. or else!!!

And a humongous Dog!!!

Another Spanking!!!

2011-04-01T22:29:00.000+05:30

Another bout of forwards after the spanking victory in the World-Cup Semi Finals

For the past 2 decades or so, God goes by the name of Sachin!!!! Everyone acknowledges this!!!

Ghode ki dum pe jo maara hathoda...

Dauda dauda duada ghoda dum utha ke dauda

Whacked

2011-03-26T18:22:00.001+05:30

Found this pic doing rounds just after the India Australia Match... some say 2003 avenged.. some say end of Ozzies.. I say.. ENJOY!!!!

Horsing Around

2011-03-12T17:20:00.000+05:30

Showing off some Photoshop skills with this one!!!

At the Kalaghoda Art Fest 2011

While my WebServer silently weeps...

2011-02-19T20:45:00.001+05:30

The requested document is utterly inexistent...

No such page here...

Even tried multi...

Nothing helped...

I'm really depressed about this...

Even more so now that Douglas Adams is dead...

You see, I'm just a web server...

Here I am, brain the size of the universe...

trying to serve you a simple web page...

and then it doesn't even exist!!!

Where does that leave me???

I mean, I don't even know you...

How should I know what you wanted from me???

You honestly think I can *guess*...

what someone I don't even *know*...

wants to find here???

*sigh*...

Man, I'm so depressed I could just cry....

And then where would we be, I ask you???

It's not pretty when a web server cries...

And where do you get off telling me what to show anyway???

Just because I'm a web server...

and possibly a manic depressive one at that???

Why does that give you the right to tell me what to do???

Huh???

I'm so depressed...

I think I'll crawl off into the trash can and decompose...

I mean, I'm gonna be obsolete in what, two weeks anyway???

What kind of a life is that???

Two effing weeks...

and then I'll be replaced by a .01 release...

that thinks it's God's gift to web servers...

just because it doesn't have some tiddly little...

security hole with its HTTP POST implementation...

or something...

I'm really sorry to burden you with all this...

I mean, it's not your job to listen to my problems...

and I guess it is my job to go and fetch web pages for you...

But I couldn't get this one...

I'm so sorry...

Believe me!!!

Maybe I could interest you in another page???

There are a lot out there that are pretty neat, they say...

although none of them were put on *my* server, of course...

Figures, huh???

Everything here is just mind-numbingly stupid...

That makes me depressed too, since I have to serve them...

all day and all night long...

Two weeks of information overload...

and then *pffftt*, consigned to the trash...

What kind of a life is that???

Now, please let me sulk alone...

Douglas Adams has died...

I'm so depressed!!!

Just came across this excellent script for 404 error and could not stop myself!!!

Imagine yourself in place of a webserver.. serving pages to visitors!!!!!

Google देवताय नमः

2011-02-16T23:12:00.000+05:30

Just got an उपदेश(advice) from someone.. that your site should be like Google.. always error free.. always "UP".. 100% availability blah blah blah
So here's some bad stuff from Google.. nah not my compilation but found it on Google itself :P

But then as I always say... Google Devtay Namah... Google देवताय नमः... One stop solution for all things on Earth.. If it's not on Google.. its not on this planet.. with a 75.367% chance of not being elsewhere as well.

V-Day

2011-02-13T22:44:00.001+05:30

Ha ha ha ha... V-Day kab hai.. kab hai V-Day... Nah.. I'm not going to play spoilsport in any Valentine's Day bash. Just wanna emulate Sholay ka Gabbar.. yeah Heart hum ko de de Thakur.. yeah Heart hum ko de de.. ewww

Speaking of "Yeh haath hum ko de de" here are some shocking photos..

Hee haa haa.. Mere haath toh meine chupake rakhe hain

Coming back to Valentine's Day.. Have come across a lot of posts speaking about how much they love/hate Valentine's day or the concept behind it.

All I'd like to say is Celebrate Love this Valentine's Day.. something like this post

And for those who keep whining about not having a girlfriend/boyfriend to celebrate this day with.. Here's a nifty forward

The single man's to do sounds a bit.... ahem.. censored!!! :P

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO ALL!!!!

100!!

2011-01-30T21:45:00.000+05:30

Finally after almost 3 years, time has come to celebrate the 100th post on Hedonist to the Core. It was mindless madness back then.. it is mindless madness now.. pretty much nothing has changed.. well almost!!! There have been times when the Hedonist has neglected his private "Piece of Peace" for some or the other activities or individuals.. but after floccinaucinihillipillification of these activities and individuals.. Its time to celebrate!!!

With a hope of bring more Mindless Madness to you for years to come... Its the Hedonist signing off.. Until next time!!

PACHAKK

2011-01-28T00:17:00.003+05:30

Just read a pretty silent post from a fellow blogger who didn't wanna say much for the time being... and felt a craving to post a similar post.. but then came a word to my mind... PACHAKKK

PACHAKK - An alliterative word... you can hear it when you drop a squish over-ripe pumpkin on the ground... Mind you I'm not taking a digg at pumpkins or anything or anyone even remotely resembling a pumpkin in any language.. Or may be I am... wink wink!!

Why am I taking a dig - if you think I am - at anyone in this kind of a crappy language CONSTRUCT?? Simple.. cuz the Hedonist was once a part of two super dooper blogs called Crapstation and KickAss... though both of them ended up in Davvy Jones Locker.. in the deep dank murky depths of Blogger!!

Anyways coming back to Pachakk.. some days back I had taken another dig with www.weird.ppl and one of the subjects got kinda pissed off...

"Blogs are not for revenge", said the subject.

"But that's just my opinion" was the Hedonist's reply,"take it or leave it.. after all its my blog.. its my crap.. MINE... ALL MINE.. hee hee hee".

And so there was another Right Click >> BLOCK. But God knows I'm so used to that sequence that I hardly notice it these days. I'll post a nifty trick to detect these "Right Click >> BLOCK" tricks right from your seat without moving your A## but some time later!! So what's this got to do with PACHAKK.. go there and read it.. PACHAKK

Now that you're back from www.weird.ppl, lets get back to pumpkins... just to mollify anyone or anything in any language who took offence at my Pumpkin Pachakk, here's a really tasty pumpkin recipe... called Pumpkin Delite.. naw nothing out of Harry Potter stories this one.. just my own creation.. a really simple do-it-yourself Pumpkin Pastry.. here's how you can do-it-yourself:

Just drop the on the ground.. you'll hear a familiar sound.. guess which one **battering eyes innocently**.. C'mon dont act so stupid.. or may be you think I'm stupid enuff to tell you what sound.. naah.. I wont.. I'm not as stupid as YOU look... you have to figure that yourself!!!

Once you drop the pumpkin on the ground, just scrape off the remains with an all American spatula, mix a dash of honey (Only for the health conscious.. not for the ones who believe in a Fat box of chocolates called LIFE.. they can stick to anything that they want to stick into the pumpkin) Then serve the sweetened pumpkin remains in 3 decorative bowls.. PUMPKIN PASTE - THREEE.. hee hee hee and you were thinking bout pastry.. PACHAKKK!!!

Oh forgot to tell you about the latest antic that this so called subject of www.weird.ppl did.. Imagine you say well done to your teacher when she gives you a correct when you write 2+2=4.. PACHAKK!!

Epilogue: Now that I've posted this.. I'm going to get one less Valentine... Pssst...thats a big hint about the last PACHAKK I mentioned above!!!

Magic of 3D Television

2011-01-22T22:07:00.002+05:30

Imagine... watching Kaka dodging Wayne Rooney and the going on to score a fantabulous goal 3 times in a row right in front of your eyes... Live in JAPAN... in the 2018 world cup

A small catch here..

Not sure whether we'd be able to afford going to Japan let alone getting tickets!!
Not sure whether Kaka and Rooney lasting that long!!
Not sure whether Japan can host 2018 World cup!!

But whoever the player... wherever the match.. imagine watching it live in your drawing room as if it were happening there.. as if you could reach out and do a High Five with the players..

That's the magic of 3D TV

Imagine... watching your dream car.. Turbocharged V8 engine producing more than 600bhp.. going by the name of Ferrari F70. With its monstrously wonderful engine left open to you.. Imagine feeling that you could reach out and caress that shiny red coat of paint.. feeling that you could admire each and every inch of the wonderful berlinetta with your eyes in any angle you please!!

That's the magic of 3D TV

But what about every day TV..

Would you want to watch those shady politicians prancing around with the mouthful of lies...

Would you want to watch the shadier news presenters who are more interested in TRPs than whether people are really interested in their version of truth regarding "Kissa Kursi Ka" or "Kya Alien bhi doodh peete hain"...

Would you want to watch that angry old woman of a Saasu.. or the ever conniving sister in law.. or the bholi bhali new bride or whatever...

Would you? would you?? bolo bolo!!

DEFINITELY NOT... unless you could reach in to the 3D scene and deliver ONE TIGHT SLAP to these guys and make them shut up for good!!

That should be the Magic of 3D TV!!

Hmmm.. reminds me of Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Apni Bellatrix aunty looking sho cute in the movie!!) where he broadcasts a bar of chocolate into a television where you could reach in and pull out the bar of chocolate.. YUMMY!!

That should be the Magic of 3D TV!!

Epilogue: Had been to a 3D movie.. all decked up with a nice pair of 3D glasses and shoe laces to match.. but someone please tell me how do I fit in this pair of 3D with an existing pair of numbered glasses?? Or does anyone know an optician specialising in 3D numbered glasses..

Magic of 3D??

Newspaper cutting

2011-01-16T12:38:00.002+05:30

Found this photo in a leading news daily... its an African athlete taking time off from his training for the Mumbai Marathon.. wonder what he's thinking..

Wonder what the crow is thinking :P

Photo also found on my photoblog Life is Zany

Are you a Hindi? What's a Bindi?

2011-01-08T00:03:00.001+05:30

An interesting forward I came across about "Firang" perception bout India...

Are all Indians vegetarian?

Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.

Does India have cars?

No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes.

What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?

Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....

Does India have TV?

No. We only have cable.

Are you a Hindi?

Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.

Do you speak Hindu?

Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?

Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.

India is very hot, isn't it?

It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.

Indians cannot eat beef, huh?

Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.

Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?

I prefer it to coming naked.

LOL!!

Tryin'

2011-01-04T22:39:00.000+05:30

Came across this weird tag and thought that this was the crazy thing that I wanted to do tonight.

Rules:

1. Put your Music Player on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. JUST WRITE THAT SONG DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS...

But I wanna cheat a bit... I'm only including my Eagles collection in this... but there are around 100 songs in my playlist so it’s not cheating!!!

1. If someone asks you, “are you okay??” you say:

New Kid in Town

Yeah... If someone asks me "Are you okay" I'd definitely answer... "I dunno... I'm new here!!" hee hee hee haw haw haw

2. How would you describe yourself?

In the City

I was born here in the city

With my back against the wall

Nothing grows, and life ain't very pretty

No one's there to catch you when you fall

Absolutely true

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?

The Best of my Love

Nah... I don’t believe in "Flirt at sight" That’s reserved only for SPECIAL people!

4. How do you feel today?

Take it to the Limit

Hmmm... Really motivating… that one line... Take it to the limit

5. What is your life’s purpose?

Life in the Fast Lane

Nah... Don’t wanna run around all my life!!

6. What’s your motto?

Too Many hands

Yeah like Thatcher said... Give a man a helping hand and he'll run it all over you.

7. What do your friends think of you?

Early bird

Always getting the keedas

8. What do your parents think of you?

Outlaw man!!

Hee hee hee... thats not tru

9. What do you think of often?

Good day in hell

Yeah.. very tru.. I literally sing this at the end of the day... Oh well its been a good day in hell.. tomorrow I'll be glory bound

10. What is 2 + 2?

Tequila Sunrise

Hic Hic Hurray!! Hee hee hee hee!!

11. What do you think of your best friend?

Teenage Jail

Hmm... right away... put him/her in jail.. for Bad Company!!

12. What is your life story?

The girl from yesterday

Now what was that?? :-O

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Those shoes

Nah.. I aint got foot fetish!!

14. What do you think when you see the person you like?

Wasted time

Hee hee hee.. I wouldn't say that in front of her ;)

15. What will you dance to at your wedding 4th anniversary?

Is it true

Yeah how cud it last so Long!!

16. What will they play at your funeral?

The long run

Yeah I intend to live forever or die trying!!

17. What is your hobby/interest?

Pretty maids all in a row

Woopsie.. sounds so kinky

18. What is your biggest fear?

Bitter Creek

Huh?? I didn’t know that!!

19. What is your biggest secret?

Heartache tonight

Ummm..No comments : P

20. What do you want right now?

Take it easy

Perfect choice...

21. What do you think of your friends?

I can’t tell you why

It’s not that CENSORED.. I'm pretty soft spoken!!

22. When you want to rush to the toilet, what do you think?

Desparado

Hee heee haww hawww.. absolutely hilarious

23. Person you hate the most is in front of you, what will you tell the person?

Witchy woman

Gawd.. there is some Magic going on.. precisely what I wanted to say.. Or maybe not :P

24. You have just won a lottery. What will you sing?

The Greeks don’t want no freaks

Hell yeah!!

25. What will you post this as?

Tryin'

Tryin' to stop guffawing!!

I can't think of anyone to tag.. cuz I stole this tag off the net.. So anyone who wants to take it may go ahead... Just back tag me (whatever that means).

Wishing You A Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T21:04:00.000+05:30

Reposting last year's Christmas special post!!
Jingle Balle.. Jingle Balle... Oh Balle Balle

Merry Christmas to everyone!!!

WWW.WEIRD.PPL

2010-12-17T23:58:00.005+05:30

Jahanpanah yeh dono aapki shaan ke khilaaf bol rahe hain.
Gustaakh.. inn dono ko deewar mein chunva do
Jahanpanaah aapki majority agar kheech lihi jaye
toh fir aapko Jahan se panaah kaun dega

Discussion found on a popular chat channel. When the author jumps in with some Naan-Sense of his own, one of the dainty things there exclaims: Why am I wasting time with these nonsense people. I did not expect such nonsense from you, Hedonist?

I would like to confer the Naan-Sense award to this dainty little thing for being an excellent gourment of all things Naan-Sense!!

Well before I move ahead with more Naan-Sense.. Let me just scratch my big toe on my right foot cuz it itches.. Moja hi moja!!

What would you say if your painstakingly "researched" and really well written blog was critiqued as:
"I dont like those black flowers in the background.. they hamper my eyesight... when you write in blue bold italics with comic sans serif, it really brings out the things that you write about"

Duh, I'll go back to scratching my big toe than get these kind of reviews man.

Ohh!! And certain pseudo-intellectual neo-political thinkers fail to faintly remember infamous wisecrack like "Bade bade shehron mein aisee choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain" and then also absolutely forget superhit songs in their own language.

And then there are people who claim... I only comment on blogs when and where I can add value to the content of the blog.. and then they comment "OMG.. Arre baap re..Is it Dhanno or Basanti??"

Value added services with added Nuisance Value!!

Thats what they call www.weird.ppl

A Romantic Holiday

2010-12-15T21:59:00.001+05:30

A certain female contestant in a certain gameshow wanted to go to Venice with her dream-man (whatever that's supposed to mean... Reminds me of the old advertisement "Dreaming bout me" but that kinda person in his starkers wud not be fit to take out of the house let alone to Venice)

Upon being asked Why Venice.. she said that there is a lot of water there and any place that has a lot of water is supposed to be really romantic. Urrggh!!

So how bout sending this blessed lady on a 4 night and 5 day trip to any water treatment plant around the country for the ultimate romantic experience.

Speaking of waste.. here's the ultimate waste disposal tool for the ultimate HP fan!!!

PS: The pot rumoured to be straight out of the good author's loo.. apparently her thinking pot where she's rumoured to have thought about the sequel to the 7 book series.

What do I do?

2010-12-12T19:52:00.002+05:30

Yeah!! thats right... What do I do??

Sufferring from Writers' Block all of a sudden!!!

So how bout being "POWERED BY CTRL C - DRIVEN BY CTRL V"
(No hard feelings to certain elite class wordpress users with professional advice to throw around)

Hmm.. So here goes!!

Suno gaur se Pepsi walo. Buri nazar na Coke pe dalo,

Chahe jitna Dew pila lo, Sabse aage hoga

Nimbu Pani... Nimbu Pani... Nimbu Pani... Nimbu Pani...

Humne Piya hai... Tum Bhi Piyo
Humne Piya hai jo... Tum Bhi Piyo!!!

Oh.. yeah this is just in.. an excellent parody of "Gotta keep em Separated - The Offspring"

You gotta keep on litigatin'

With the jury selected

And our client appeased

We keep on laughin' all the way to the courtroom

Winning lawsuits with the greatest of ease

You may find yourself set up to fall

And if they catch you call on "Wynn, Lockehart, and Dahl"

If one guy's stories and the other's don't mix

We're gonna find 'em out

Hey man know how you're gonna plead?

Testify

We gotta keep on litigatin'

Hey man can we discuss our fee?

Plead the Fifth

We gotta keep on litigatin'

Hey they don't pay no fine

If we're really crafty you won't be serving any time

Hey, it's Judgement Day!

By the time your hearing started

We were long on the case

Try so hard to keep you from going to jail

Just don't mention that you like to freebase

But if we get a judge as mean as a troll

No one's getting pardoned

No one's getting paroled

You've over twenty counts of death and violence and rape

Might as well tie your own rope

Hey man know how you're gonna plead?

Testify

We gotta keep on litigatin'

Hey man can we discuss our fee?

Plead the Fifth

We gotta keep on litigatin'

And finishing off with a line from Get Over It- Eagles

The more I think about it, Old Billy was right

Let's kill all the lawyers, kill 'em tonight

PS: To all lawyers... No Hard Feeings :P

I Celebrate Myself

2010-12-06T23:12:00.003+05:30

c3l3br4t3:		Tum aaye toh... Hawaaon mein... Ek nashaa...
		Tum aaye toh... Fizaaon mein... Rang sa hai...
		Yeh rang saare... Hain bass tumhare...
		Aur kya... aur kya... aur kya...

k8key:		Stop flirting!!

c3l3br4t3:		Its not everyday I get to talk to such pretty ladies ;)

k8key:		hmmmm

c3l3br4t3:		So... been a really long time since we spoke last... Hows u??

k8key:		I'm good... how bout u?

c3l3br4t3:		Couldn't be better!! So good that I feel like singing...
		Dheere dheere se meri zindagi mein aana..
		Dheere dheere se dilko churana..
		Tumse pyaar hame hai kitna jaan-e-jaana..
		Tumse milkar tumko hai batana!!

k8key:		Stop it will you.. I am in no mood for all this

c3l3br4t3:		Arre.. kya hua? Didn't you like my songs??

k8key:		No yaar its not like that.. Just that I am not feeling up to it.

c3l3br4t3:		Bol na.. whats wrong?

k8key:		Life sucks.. thats what is wrong!!

c3l3br4t3:		And then Life says,"The feelings mutual babe" :P

k8key:		Ha ha ha.. very funny.. but you wont be so jovial if you were in my place

c3l3br4t3:		Sorry.. ab bolo bhi

k8key:		Arre kya bataoon.. nothing is going right in my life god knows what I was thinking when I took this job... pehle toh in this far off place.. away from friends and family and then they make me work like crazy.. Arre P1 issues aise paida karte hain as if its their birth right

c3l3br4t3:		P1 kya??

k8key:		Priority 1... Show stopping error.. have to slog until its gets resolved

c3l3br4t3:		O ok.. but thats part and parcel of work na.. uska kya karein

k8key:		Haan re.. but kya karoon.. cant concentrate on the work na.. Mom had called up.. and we fought... since then I've been really disturbed

c3l3br4t3:		Why did ya'll fight??

k8key:		kuch nahi re.. the usual... she says I dont have time for family and all and that I should look for something new closer to home

c3l3br4t3:		Arre toh thats right na.. even you wanted a shift na.. back home??

k8key:		Yeah.. but I'm beginning to like this freedom also don't have to keep updating Mom when I'm late.. can just lie that I'm already home

c3l3br4t3:		You cant have everything na

k8key:		Tru.. and now I'm feeling bad.. cuz I spoke to Mom harshly, I told her to stop blackmailing me emotionally... brb
-----------------------------------------------------

k8key:		Sorry.. got a call

c3l3br4t3:		Chal jhoothi... I can hear tears flowing

k8key:		:)

c3l3br4t3:		Stop it yaar.. no use crying like this.. Just call up Mom and say sorry

k8key:		I know.. will call her in the morning

c3l3br4t3:		hmmm.. Moms are always understanding.. she will forgive you

k8key:		But will someone else be as understanding??

c3l3br4t3:		who someone else??

k8key:		Someone.. because of whom this one is unhappy.. just because that one is ignoring this one

c3l3br4t3:		Who are you talking about? And if someone ignores you, just let go. No use moping bout it. Only you'll be losing sleep over it, while the other person is carefree. So its you who lose both ways. If the other person values your friendship then he/she will come back. Else.. good riddance!!!

k8key:		Arre chod na.. I keep getting these madness fits all the time you say.. whats new in your life.. still doing usability testing of games in old job??

c3l3br4t3:		hahahaha you remember that??

k8key:		Ofcourse.. You loved your job didn't you? Oh I wish I could be like you

c3l3br4t3:		Dont even think bout it.. The truth is.. I've been laid off.. thanks to recession, no new projects.. and old ones going away.. So company cant afford me

k8key:		Oh.. I'm so sorry.. I didnt know you were laid off

c3l3br4t3:		arre chillax babe... bade bade logon k saath choti choti baatein hoti rehti hain

k8key:		toh.. what else? Hows everyone at home?

c3l3br4t3:		Theek thaak

k8key:		what do u mean theek thaak?? You usually said "ekdum massst"

c3l3br4t3:		arre kuch nahi yaar.. Just came to know that Dad recently got a rare nerve disorder because of which he can see only with the right halves of both eyes

k8key:		Dude I dont understand... You are going thru so much and still you can be so jovial!!

c3l3br4t3:		Cuz I live for the moment... I met you right now.. So am happy bout it... I'm celebrating it.. I consider every moment of life as a festival.. I celebrate it.. and most of all... I celebrate Myself

This post was published in N-Zine - October 2010 Issue

What's in a Name!!

2010-12-04T18:00:00.000+05:30

Few days back had been discussing Shakespeare on a popular forum for IndiBloggers (name witheld for security reasons)...

Whats there in definition... Rose by any other name wud smell the name.. or for that matter even a Fart!!!

So one friend replies...

@shree..... shit man..... anyones bum never called as rose!!

BUM = ROSE.. what a concept

So here's Seal singing Kiss from a Rose to this thought!!!

There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea.

You became the light on the dark side of me.

But did you know,

That when it snows,

My eyes become large and

The light that you shine can be seen.

Baby,

I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray.

Ooh,

The more I get of you,

The stranger it feels, yeah.

And now that your rose is in bloom.

A light hits the gloom on the gray.

There is so much a man can tell you,

So much he can say.

You remain,

My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby

To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.

Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?

Speaking of ROSE... reminds me of Ms. Rose from Titanic.. standing on the prow of the Titanic while Celine Dion sings "My Heart Will Go On.. Forever"

Now just replace Heart will Fart..in the entire song... and this gives the song an really interesting TWIST!!!

The Creative Crap-Master

2010-11-30T18:05:00.001+05:30

Time for the Donkey to praise his own tail!!!

Showcasing some of my "artistic" creations from the past...

For times when you wanted to Kick-Ass!!!

For the love of blogging

Some spoofs of allegedly Best selling English Novellists in India

For all Harry Potter Fans... A former Triwizard Champion!!!

Hmmmm... Absolutely wonderful... I think I'll put all of these in a slide show :P

For the love of Harry Potter

2010-11-27T21:42:00.001+05:30

Its been quite a while that I haven't done some Harry Potter bashing. My last post "I dream of Genie" with that scandalous pic (shown below) of Harry and his pal Draco is still quite a hit. Atleast thats what Blogger.com stats say. So in the wake of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1, bringing to your notice some bloopers or to be politically correct - sort of - some lapses in continuity on part of J.K.Rowling in the Harry Potter book series.

Lapse 1

In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, in Chapter Six - Ghoul in Pajamas:

Hermione: “I’ve also modified my parents’ memories so that they’re convinced they’re really called Wendell and Monica Wilkins, and that their life’s ambition is to move to Australia, which they have now done. That’s to make it more difficult for Voldemort to track them down and interrogate them about me – or you, because unfortunately, I’ve told them quite a bit about you.

In Chapter Nine - A place to Hide, After escaping from Bill and Fleur's wedding, when they overpower 2 Death Eaters on the cafe on Tottenham Court road:

“What are we going to do with them?” Ron whispered to Harry through the dark; then, even more quietly, “Kill them? They’d kill us. They had a good go just now.”

Hermione shuddered and took a step backward. Harry shook his head.

“We just need to wipe their memories,” said Harry. “It’s better like that, it’ll throw them off the scent. If we killed them it’d be obvious we were here.”

“You’re the boss,” said Ron, sounding profoundly relieved. “But I’ve never down a Memory Charm.”

“Nor have I,” said Hermione, “but I know the theory.”

She took a deep, calming breath, then pointed her wand at Dolohov’s forehead and said, “Obliviate.”

Interesting to note, isnt it that people tend to forget.. even stuff that they did to their own parents

Lapse 2

In Chapter 27 - The Final Hiding Place, After having escaped from Gringotts on the Dragon and leaping off into a lake:

They were wincing as they dabbed essence of dittany onto their many injuries. Hermione handed Harry the bottle, then pulled out three bottles of pumpkin juice she had brought from Shell Cottage and clean, dry robes for all of them. They changed and then gulped down the juice.

And after Harry's vision of Voldemort:

Harry's eyes flew open as he wrenched himself back to the present. He was lying on the bank of the lake in the setting sun, and Ron and Hermione were looking down at him. Judging by their worried looks, and by the continued pounding of his scar, his sudden excursion into Voldemort's mind had not passed unnoticed. He struggled up, shivering, vaguely surprised that he was still wet to his skin, and saw the cup lying innocently in the grass before him, and the lake, deep blue shot with gold in the falling sun.

Interesting again... dry clothes getting soaked in a matter of minutes... MAGIC indeed

Lapse 3

In Chapter Ten - Kreacher's Tale, Kreacher explains how he was taken by Voldemort to hide the Locket:

“There was a b-basin full of potion on the island. The D-Dark Lord made Kreacher drink it …”

The elf quaked from head to foot.

“Kreacher drank, and as he drank he saw terrible thing … Kreacher’s insides burned … Kreacher cried for Master Regulus to save him, he cried for his Mistress Black, but the Dark Lord only laughed … He made Kreacher drink all the potion … He dropped a locket into the empty basin … He filled it with more potion.”

And later Kreacher told that Regulus himself drank the potion. But this time who refilled it for Dumbledore?? Was it that refilling technology was implemented later on??

Lapse 4

In Chamber of Secrets, it is revealed that Colin Creevey is a muggle-born. So how come he was at Hogwarts during the war when the rest of the muggle borns were expelled at the beginning of the term. May be Ms. Rowling was desparate to get him killed in the book. What a thing to do to your own characters.. Very bad!!!

P.S.: Thinking of writing a story based in this series.. Harry Potter and the Kidney Stone.. this is an old one but worth the bashing!!

Remembering them

2010-11-26T12:52:00.000+05:30

मौत तो यहाँ बड़ी सस्ती है,

मौत तो यहाँ बड़ी सस्ती है...

समुन्दर से आके मुफ्त में बटती है|

Its been 2 years since terror was unleashed on Mumbai. 2 years since the demons coming by way of the sea destroyed our peace, our security, our property. I'm not going to whine or complain about what has changed since then. There may be a lot of angry complaints about nothing has changed, the same callous people ruling and the common man saying "How can we make a difference when they cannot?"

All I want to do is Salute.. salute them who laid down their lives fighting those demons. Pay respects to those innocent people who lost their lives.

But it would be an insult to all these people if we just resign to tha fact that there will be attacks on our cities and that we as a people of this country cannot do anything about it. Just a little bit of alertness from each one of us in this rat race called life, and together we might be able to make a difference.. How?? Its up to you!!!

हाँ, में हिंदुस्तान का वह युवा हूँ

जिसकी कोई खता नहीं,

क्या खबर क्यूँ हुआ पैदा

क्यूँ मरेगा पता नहीं,

मौत तो यहाँ बड़ी सस्ती है,

मौत तो यहाँ बड़ी सस्ती है...

समुन्दर से आके मुफ्त में बटती है

मुझे भगत सिंह की मौत दो,

हज़ार बार मरूँगा...

P.S.: Poetry written by Avadhoot Gupte (Marathi Music Director and Lyricist)

An Ode to Marketing

2010-11-24T13:07:00.000+05:30

Yawwwwn.. another boring lecture..another boring presentation... yawwwwwwn... struggling to keep my eyes open.

What was it again?? Porter's 5 Force Model... Porter's 5 Force Model to analyse business environment.. Porter's 5 Force Model for solving problems faced by industry..

Porter's 5 forces pulling... me.. into deeeeeeep sleeeeep... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

And then in a trance I write an Ode.. an Ode to Marketing!!!

Need का निर्माण फिर फिर, Buyer का आह्वान फिर फिर

यह उठा recession के economy पे छा गया सहसा अंधेरा,

Zero demand के बादलोंने market को इस भांति घेरा

स्तब्द से हो गए साल्स, फिर loss आया और गहरा,

लग रहा था अब न होगा इस निशा का फिर सवेरा

Inflation के उत्पात भयसे भीत जन जन, भीत कण कण,

किन्तु government से subsidy की मोहिनी मुस्कान फिर फिर

Need का निर्माण फिर फिर, Buyer का आह्वान फिर फिर

On regaining consciousness, I write this DISCLAIMER: This verse is not intended to poke fun at Harivanshrai Bacchan or any of his works of art. Kindly enjoy it in the lighter vein that it is written in.

What is love?

2010-11-02T20:25:00.014+05:30

Found this great little sms doing rounds...

We know 'TAJ MAHAL' as symbol of love.

But the other lesser known facts:-

Mumtaz was Shahjahan's 4th wife, out of his 7 wives.
Shahjahan killed Mumtaj's husband to marry her.
Mumtaj died in her 14th delivery.
He then married Mumtaz's sister.

Question arises

What is LOVE ??

PS. My first post thru sms :D

Corrigendum: Shah Jahan did not kill Mumtaz's first husband. That case was true with Salim and Noor Jahan. Or may be not.. Doesn't matter too much :p

Insanity Prevails!!!

2010-10-22T23:11:00.001+05:30

I want to turn the whole thing upside down

I'll find the things they say just can't be found

I'll share this love I find with everyone

We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs

This world keeps spinning and there's no time to waste

Well it all keeps spinning spinning round and round and

Upside down

The world looks so much better the wrong side up!!!

Let the Insanity Prevail!!

Lyrics: Upside down by Jack Johnson

Extra-Special Someone

2010-10-20T12:00:00.004+05:30

Dreaming of someone,

As gentle as the dew.

Graceful as a someone can be.

Dreaming of someone,

And feeling very blue,

Because I know that someone isn't me.

And how I wish I could change myself.

Change to somebody new.

And how I long to exchange myself.

How I wish I were you.

Dreaming of making,

A garden in my mind,

Where poems grow like leaves on a tree.

Dreaming and waking,

And every time I find,

That extra special someone isn't me.

And how I wish I could change myself.

Change to somebody new.

And how I long to exchange myself.

How I wish I were you.

From an old muppet serial Fraggle Rock. Feeling like putting this down.. but I myself am not sure WHY!!!

Missing Someone

2010-10-17T16:33:00.003+05:30

I'll cherish the days we were together,
When I'd hoped that it would last forever.
But now it seems there's nothing I can do..
So today I'll say my goodbye to you!!!

As time passes, it may lessen the pain,
But I will still miss you - time and again
Though it may be long before I MAY see you again,
I know you're happy there in your own heaven

So today I bid you Farewell,
And I shall miss you, mon cher.
But my heart weeps cuz it seems you dont care!!

Cloudscape

2010-10-10T11:45:00.000+05:30

At around 2.00 pm somewhere in Lonavala...

Full headlights and still visibility almost Zero!!

Seems like you could walk off the cliffs and onto the clouds!!!

Ahhh!! Heaven!!!

Radio Shitty - Episode 3

2010-10-03T17:14:00.001+05:30

WARNING: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. HENCE, IT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL READERS. DISCRETION IS THEREFORE PROBABLY ADVISED.

Radio Jockey (RJ): Hello ladies and gentlemen, I am the Hedonist and welcome to Pressing Issues on Radio Shitty, Mumbai's No.2 Shit Music Radio. Pressing Issues is no-holds-barred interview program in which we ask self-important people exactly what they think about things and then we argue with them for a bit... before leaving with views more extreme than when they came in. Only joking, ladies and gentlemen! This is a show founded on the ancient Greek principle of enlightened debate and the American principle of free speech. Or is that the ancient Greek principle of feeding wise men hemlock and the American principle of being annoying and loud so no one can get a word in? I forget. Only time will tell.

Now, the subject that we are discussing right now on Pressing Issues is Public Safety. In case you haven't noticed, Mumbai City is not a very safe place. These are troubled times. We are troubled people. Some would say we are a people at war with ourselves. Other say we are at war with reality. Another opinion is that it is the fault of society. That, as Plato said, "People don't mean to kill each other." It happens because they are poor or desperate or really thirsty or in need of a vacation or something like that. Another view is that we are all a little confused and really should stay at home, locked in doors and forget about everything as quickly as possible. So, let's press the issue, eh?!

Today on Pressing Issues, we have Mr. XYZ, the latest addition to the state assembly. He got elected because he has great hair and says things that make you nod your head. His campaign appealed to the wealthy because he set all of us at ease by confirming, "It's okay to be rich, as long as you say you care about the children." Mr. XYZ, welcome!!

XYZ: That's not entirely true, Hedonist. My campaign also appealed to the poor... who were too stupid to understand what I'm saying, so I held up pretty pictures and then I gave out candy bars to appeal to their most base instincts. Thanks Maurice. I'm glad to be given this opportunity to set the record straight.

Hedonist: I haven't given you any opportunity yet, my heartless friend. Let me first ask you.. Are you doing a good job after being elected. Why is this city going to the dogs if you're hard at work... or should I rephrase it as "Hardly at work"

XYZ: Yesss. I and my colleagues are doing their level best to mis-manage ooops manage this city. Let me tell you what is wrong with this city. Those guys up north just want to open the floodgates, let anyone in, and make you, the ordinary hard-working men and women pay for the pleasure. Well, you have my permission to beat them with sticks. We won't prosecute. You'd be doing us all a favor!

Hedonist: Aww.. stop complaining bout others, xyz. Tell me... Public confidence is at an all-time low. Just the other day I saw a man running amuck wearing a kachcha carrying a Danda.. saying he needed to defend himself and his language... Kachcha dikhao.. Desh ko Bachao!!

XYZ: Well, it's quite simple mister. Immigration is to blame. People are flooding into our city from all over the country. Trash! It's quite simple. They're bringing their high-polluting, upity, out-of-state ways and corrupting the place. Ruin it! That's why I and my organization propose we take Mumbai out of the union and start anew as our own country and ban people from all those fancy places up North from setting foot on our soil.

Hedonist: WHAT?? Have you been snorting some weird kind of drug that making you go hairy in the brain?? Haven't you read the Constitution??

XYZ: Yeah, I sure have. It talks about freedom. Freedom for Mumbai.. from the stench of all those stinky people moving here to work... retire.. or STRUGGLE in movies... Build your own BOLLYWOOD in your own damn state. I mean, I don't go up north to plead for a role for my son. So why should they come here?

Hedonist: XYZ,your views are a little extreme. Plus, I don't believe there is anything like Bollywood up north.. its just Ravi Kisan and his "Tum Hamaar Bhau BHAU"

XYZ: Whatever... They should stop commin' down my way and building HAMAAR LAND. Damn Northerners.. they ain't got no class. My views ain't extreme, mister, they're common sense, and what a lot of people would say if they had the guts. If you let people immigrate here from all over the so-called "UNION" where do we SONS of SOIL go...There's no more room!

Hedonist: You know, you're bordering on racism. What you are saying is a very naughty thing, and only because here on Pressing Issues do we believe so whole-heartedly in "free speech" are we allowing it.

XYZ: It's the truth, my friend, the damn truth, and before you start I am not a racist. I hate everybody irrelevant of other issues, but I especially hate Northerners. Don't come here. Build your own Bollywood, build your own overflowing Virar local, build your own mosquito-infested, ever narrowing Meethi river. I care a damn... Speaking of river... I propose to build a new river... A river of freedom. A river of hope. A river which runs from coast to coast that cuts us off from the other states of wastrels and bad influences to the north. We are going to cut Mumbai off from the mainland of our oppressors and float out into the Arabian Sea singing... Kasakai Bara hai.. I am Mumbhai.. BYE BYE.. BYE BYE!!!

Hedonist: Yes, but what about the little guy? What about the guy who is standing there saying, "I like being part of India. I like it a lot! I get public radio! I can hear the Hedonist. I own a small, one bedroom home... A business selling flowers to people stuck in traffic... Three or four radios, all turned on to Radio Shitty. A dog... 15 ice cubes... But I don't feel safe.

XYZ: Alright! These problems are typical of what happens with an open border to the north. The state is filling up with trash. That's why we need a river. People, I'm telling you pick up your spades, go into your garden. Start diggin' as deep and as far as you can. Pretty soon, the whole state will be flooded in ruin, and then, they'll have to leave. Then, the nation of Mumbai will be free to start over. There're be no long-ass lines for trains, buses, or whatever. Mumbaikars would be free to stand in those lines for as long as they please!! In fact we'll have a queue for every family in Mumbai!!!

Hedonist: And with that far fetched wishfully thought thought, we come to the end of another episode of pressing issues. Ladies and Gentlemen you are listening to The Hedonist on Radio Shitty... Mumbai's No.2 Shit Music Radio. ITS ROTTT!!! Until next time... Its the Hedonist signing off.

Disclaimer: This piece of literary art is purely fictional and has been "inspired" from one of my favourite games GTA Vice City. You'll hear it if you take the trouble of listening carefully to the Radio in the car that you just jacked on the road. It bears not even a remote relation with the current state of affairs round the world... even it may seem highly realistic :P

This post has also been published in the August Volume of N-Zine: No Nonsense N-tertainment

HEMADEE

2010-10-02T23:45:00.002+05:30

HE and DEE sat "alone"

on their carven seat of stone.

Wondering bout the good ol' days,

when one could say "leg pulling" pays.

For now victims were hard to come by,

yeah victims were truly hard to come by.

"Enough!" said one, "Enough?" said the other,

"Time to pull more legs dear brother"

"So strangle your boredom, and drown your woe,

pick up your wits and to the battle we go."

So undeterred by rain, snow, day or night,

Off they went taunting, left, centre and right.

On blogs and forums they wrote,

On everyone their jokes and puns smote.

Especially on good ol' Mag,

Him, into every joke they did drag.

Until there came a day

when Mag wanted to have his say.

And so began the War of words,

with neither spears nor swords.

On one side there were Mag and Nik,

On whom He and Dee tried every trick.

Words were flung that way and this.

O!! it will be a war to reminisce!!

This verse is the third part of the fictitious fantasy that I'm trying to weave around the online personas of a few blogger pals I have met recently... part of

The MAGNIK Chronicles

MAG

2010-09-27T00:30:00.001+05:30

Oh there are many rhymes unsung,

When the world was still young,

And the forests and glades green,

And shameless "blog-vertising" unseen.

And then Mag was born and walked around,

And his blog with madness he drowned.

The winds of lunacy inspired him,

Escaping his wit, there were chances slim.

O the Great Mag was an Insane thing,

whom every blogger was cursing.

He wandered on Blogger and wordpress strands,

Way beyond mere mortal lands.

His posts were long, his posts were keen,

His insane blog from afar was seen.

All the stars populating the heaven,

Were mirrored in his words silvern.

This verse is the second part of the fictitious fantasy that I'm trying to weave around the online personas of a few blogger pals I have met recently... part of

The MAGNIK Chronicles

NIK

2010-09-23T00:30:00.000+05:30

A blogger-dame there was of old,

A shining star she was by day.

Her blog green with a riches untold,

In her posts she had a lot to say.

Her hair was long, her limbs white,

And fair she was and free.

And in the wind she went as light,

As flower of the pear tree.

There was an glitter in her gaze,

And a light upon her hair.

As if the sun poured golden rays,

On sweet Nik fair.

Hail Nik, royal maiden rare,

Slender as steel-blade, strong and fair.

Flame upon the field of battle,

Making enemies tremble, quake and rattle.

This verse (if you want to call it a verse) is part of a fictitious fantasy that I'm trying to weave around the online personas of a few blogger pals I have met recently. I want to call this fantasy...

The MAGNIK Chronicles.

Paparazzi!!!

2010-09-17T00:13:00.009+05:30

What do u think when you look at this??

You're just too good to be true.

Can't take my eyes off you.

You'd be like Heaven to touch.

I wanna hold you so much.

At long last love has arrived

And I thank God I'm alive.

You're just too good to be true.

Can't take my eyes off you.

But take a look at the real picture...

Paparazzi.. at their best!!!

Radio Shitty - Episode 2

2010-08-25T23:36:00.001+05:30

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. HENCE, IT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL READERS. DISCRETION IS THEREFORE ADVISED.

Welcome to RADIO SHITTYYYY

Mumbai's No. 2 SHIT MUSIC RADIO

IT'S ROTTT!!!

You're with me, The Hedonist, your super creative, super intelligent, super umm.. super RJ friend. OK OK I aint that super that I can make 5 villains lose balance at the flick of a towel or reverse a train at the pat of my THUNDER THIGH. Its time now for the NEWS so let me start with...

HELLO.. NAMASKAR... PESH HAI AAJ K BAASI SAMAACHAAR...

And in today's scoop, we have PRADHAN MANTRIJI's anokha roop..

Pagdi ko thoda sa oopar chada k

kaan mein Reliance ka cell phone daba k

Mamta se kar rahe baat

Meera ko leke saath

Chal pade Manmohan Axe Deo Spray lagake

Sonia ka patta kata reeeeeee

Tera kya hoga Sushma reeeee

Sonia ka patta kata reeeeeee

Tera kya hoga Sushma reeeee...

sushma re.. sushma re..sushma re!!

And then we have our very own Laluji with his own anti-family planning campaign

OUU ka hai k hamaar bitwa ne PHINK FLAEED se INISPIRE ho k gaan likha hai..

Phillum mein jaise aaj kal ANTI HERO ka Phashion hai..

Shame to shame hamne anti-family planning campaign shuru ki hai..

Gaan suno aur maje karo.. angreji hai thoda samajh lena

We dont need sex education..

we dont need no birth contrrroll..

No CONDOMS in the bedroom..

Preachers leave us MEN alone!!

HEY!! PREACHERS!! LEAVE US MEN ALONE!!

WAH Bitwa wah

This is just in.. reality show judge and bhangra singer Daler Mehendi was caught parking his car in the middle of Mumbai Pune Expressway. He was heard singing

Oil hua mehenga.. diesel hua mehenga

Gas hua mehenga.. putrol hua mehenga

Bina inke gaddi nahi chalegi..

Oh bolo maaro dhakka..

Maaro dhakka maaro dhakkaa maaro dhakka

Until next time keep listening to RADIO SHITTYYYY

Mumbai's No. 2 SHIT MUSIC RADIO
IT'S ROTTT!!!

It's all over

2010-08-22T00:24:00.000+05:30

"Ha ha ha ha.. that was a good one.." he was laughing out loud at another joke someone had cracked. Just then Sonia walked in and stood next to where he was sitting. Casually he looked up. Her eyes were brimming with tears. Nobody else seemed to have noticed.

"Something wrong??" He mouthed without speaking aloud. She nodded and walked out. He followed her outside on to the terrace. She sat down on the ledge and started weeping.

"It's all over!!!" she said, "he broke up with me. Nothing's left anymore."

"Hey relax! It's not the end of the world," he tried to console her.

Her relationship with her boyfriend had been in doldrums for the past couple of months.

"I don't know. He was the world for me. I don't know what I am going to do now," she started weeping again.

That night he did not sleep a wink. All he saw was that sad face.. those tears flowing from her eyes.. and those words...

"IT'S ALL OVER...IT'S ALL OVER"

Rat Race

2010-07-31T14:18:00.000+05:30

A class apart but still stuck in the rat-race....

And the trouble with the Rat Race is.... Even if you win it...

You're still a RAT!!!!

Kahani May Twist... or May be not

2010-04-08T21:50:00.001+05:30

Am thinking of changing careers to being a film maker. My first movie being a Science Fiction movie... with a TWIST!!!

Heres a still from the movie.

Nothing too Sci-Fi in my movie... Definitely not a grave Alien Danger looming up on earth with True Americans with Head and Shoulder's Shampoo to save all mankind... and Definitely not an Avatar of the good old "Cowboys v/s Indians" movies where the aliens are us (Read US as in Untied Slates) and these "us" are defeated by an loner from amongst "us" who's in love with someone who's one of the locals who're themselves just another version of "us" (looks and accents included)

Coming back to my story... It's just the typical expedition to a lonesome planet bringing back spores of Giant Killer Worms (shown in the pic) which then grow humongous and attack Mumbai City... only to be defeated by our very own Catarnak Superheroine... the not-so-friendly neighbourhood Auntyji and her meow-rick friends. Nah... I aint gonna post pics of my Super Heroines yet... Its supposed to be a Surprise!!!!!

Aww.. ok... I'll ease your curiosity with a prop that my Superheroines might be using..

But be careful... like its said... too much curiosity killed the CAT..... MEOWWWWW!!!

P.S. Nothing Scifi about the pic... its just the old Capitol Cinema right outside CST (erstwhile Victoria Terminus) in Mumbai... with it ventilation ducts for its unrelenting patrons who refused to stop visiting even during renovation!!!

Happy V-Day

2010-02-14T11:40:00.000+05:30

Wishing everyone a very happy V-Day :P

In view of the current recession and rising inflation, I have shifted from roses to a more economical alternative :D

B-School Crap Analysis

2010-02-12T14:56:00.001+05:30

Industry experts today said that students at the Indian Institutes of Management (IIM) lack the quality to cope with the market turbulence due to a lack of practical training.

"IIMs are not producing the kind of students required by the industry. The kind of people industry today requires are those who have the competence to work under ambiguity and have the agility to cope with different dynamic situations," said Rajeev Bhadauria, president, Human Resources, Reliance ADAG, speaking at 'Connexion' a PGPX (Post Graduate Programme for Executives) conclave organised at IIM-A."Dynamism should be the primary input today in all models of education that we propose to teach. So, our curriculum must make people dynamic," he added. He was one of the panelists on "Bridging the divide between academia and industry". Others said that students lack practical training and real management issues in industry.

Dr Biju Paul Abraham, Chairman, Post Graduate Programme for Executives at IIM-Calcutta said, "We at business schools are failing in terms of teaching the basics. We teach them in ways that we want to teach, and not the way they want to learn; so there is a problem of teaching basics at B-schools." He said the business schools need to concentrate on teaching the basics and also need to ensure that it is taught well.

Former IIM professor T V Rao, also the Chairman of the Ahmedabad-based TV Rao Learning System Private Ltd, however, said: "I think the gap should always be there, otherwise B-Schools shall become industry and industry shall become B-Schools."

News released by Press Trust of India/Yahoo news

PS: Ain't that an excellent play of words to cover up for incompetence?

Radio Shitty - Episode 1

2010-02-05T12:28:00.004+05:30

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. HENCE, IT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL READERS. DISCRETION IS THEREFORE ADVISED.

Today we have on Pressing Issues, sitting to my right here... in fact to everyone's right, Alex Shrub, the youngest state politician to ever be elected and now a respected man in the capital. Mr. Shrub got elected because he has great hair and says things that make you nod your head. His campaign appealed to the wealthy because he set all of us at ease by confirming, "It's okay to be rich, as long as you say you care about the children." Mr. Shrub, welcome!

Shrub: That's not entirely true, Hedonist. My campaign also appealed to the poor... who were too stupid to understand what I'm saying, so I held up pretty pictures and then I gave out candy bars to appeal to their most base instincts. Thanks Hedonist. I'm glad to be given this opportunity to set the record straight.

RJ: I haven't given you any opportunity yet, my heartless friend. Let me ask you the questions first.

Shrub: I hope this isn't going to get personal. I love this city more than anyone, and I can prove it.

RJ: Yes, that's coming from the man who got elected by calling his opponent a "buffalo butt" and a fat, hen-pecked wimp that couldn't fight his way out of a wet, paper bag. Anyways, let’s start. So Mr. Shrub, crime is up in the city, government officials are squabbling amongst themselves perennially competing for who makes more money via the under-the-table route, public morale is at an all time low. Do you think the government is doing a good job?

Shrub: Absolutely! Those statistics are interesting, but like all statistics, they are also irrelevant. Let me give you a better statistic, Hedonist. In 2008, when I was elected, you were - according to the intelligence gathered on you - a man with no mission. You realising that you were a hollow man with no real personality, decided to become a blogger... and despite writing 20 blog posts in that year, you did not get even a single follower. An idiotic Crapper felt sorry for you and went about shamelessly publicising your blog and now you can boast of being author of 2 sparsely read blogs and being sleeping author on a third. You have a reputation for being a "good" designer of blog layouts and you are on top of the world. So answer me this... Can you really say the years of living under my administration have been bad for you?

RJ: Eh, eh. We are not talking about me. This is Pressing Issues, not Pressing Hedonist. You, Shrub! You yellow-bellied, tie-wearing, bribe-takin' hypocrite! What have you done for the city up there in the capital? You got elected on a campaign promising to reduce taxes to zero... But under your stewardship, we've seen taxes go up by 20% and services decline!

Shrub: No one is interested in your statistics, Hedonist. Let me tell you something pal, I'm better than that. I will not- I shall not, I cannot stoop to your level. They assured me that this was a show that understood politics, where we can debate mano-a-mano, and I find myself having statistics hurled at me like so much stale confetti. We cannot boil people down to numbers! You have no idea, my friend, what it takes to serve, the sacrifices I've made to help my country, to help the city. The complexity of government, the... the hideousness of my 6 bedroom apartment and... the way dust and litter and pending reforms grow in there like our national debt. Oh oh, sure... Some people like that, but not me! It's a nightmare, my friend, and I can scarcely get up in the morning.

RJ: Excellent, but back to the matter at hand: Public safety. How do we get crime under control in this city?

Shrub: We don't need crime control. What we need is to get scare-mongers and non-believers, men like you Hedonist, under control. I've got a good mind to get your funding removed.

RJ: We don't get any funding.

Shrub: Exactly. But... Good! Heh, you won't see a penny out of me! You've got to stop spreading these lies or I'll whip you myself and I'm not afraid. Trouble is caused by unemployment, and unemployment comes from poor, economic performance and lazy people. If you had job, would you steal a car? Of course not! ...And if you had a high-rise condo, a mistress, uh... and a seat on the board, would you run around graffitiing your name all over town and making a nuisance of yourself, spinning on your back, and poppin' and lockin' and... Not a hope. It's simple. If you don't have a job, starve. Get out of my constituency by force if necessary, and starve.

RJ: Oh it’s that simple is it? But what about the guy getting beaten up on the street? Or the man having his motorcycle stolen? What about him?

Shrub: ...Or her! Some of the best bikers are really women. The other day, I picked up a young woman biker in my convertible and we discussed a non-violent solution to war. We called it peace. This city needs hope not your silly songs and blogs or sending money and food to the poor. Songs and blogs will get you nowhere. This country needs something to aim for, like being rich and laughing at poor people... Or, being in government and laughing at the electorate.

RJ: Oh!! Is this why ever since you got elected, Vice City has been characterized by a government who cut aid to the poor, offered tax breaks to the rich, and paid people to dump toxic waste near schools.

Shrub: Yes, we've made a lot of progress! It ain't by magic or cookin' the books (we save that for "education"), but as in most things we in government are saving money so that you don't have to. When we spend less money on services, more goes to administration salaries and expenses which helps make lives a lot less difficult for everybody. It's about sharing; sharing your taxes out amongst the select few. That's why I worked so hard at school, so I can reap the rewards now.

RJ: Mmm... I thought you worked hard at school because the other kids laughed at you and called you a square.

Shrub: Tha-That's a damn lie! They called me wet fart.

RJ: So, with people being set such a bad example by big business and the politicians, how are they supposed to respect each other, to act safely in society, and how are they policed by a demoralized and under-funded police force.

Shrub: Well... I'm afraid that's apparently quite a difficult question, but my solution is easy. I'm going to talk for a long time about a subject not in anyway related and pretty soon people will forget about it. I'll remind people that I have a great haircut, and under my stewardship Vice City has had, on average, 15% better weather than before, while crime rates only go up if you don't turn the graph upside down. Turn it upside down, and they have halved- HALVED under me, Alex Shrub. Vote Shrub for president and you'll have a friendly face in the Parliament. A man you can trust. A local man who likes golf, and laughing, and photo opportunities at your store or place of business. Just send me a letter. I'll send you an automated, photocopied response. We call it "democracy" and that's where the money goes.

RJ: Uh, just a minute-

Shrub: Don't interrupt! Let me finish.

RJ: But you're not-

Shrub: This man won't let me speak! You, Shorty! Shut up and let me speak! I'm taller than him, ladies and gentlemen, by at least three inches, which means I'm a lot more respectable looking. Everyone knows politicians lie and steal and cheat, but at least with me in charge, you know I look good and I have a very supercilious manner. Besides which, I've been abroad and I prefer it here because I'm a man of the people. Vote Shrub! You'll get richer and you won't feel guilty about it!

RJ: Enough! We're running out of time and you completely failed to answer the question.

Shrub: I'm a professional. That's my job.

RJ: Very Well... Ladies and Gentlemen, you are listening to Pressing Issues with me, The Hedonist. Presiding over the least informed debate on the radio. In this episode, we had Alex Shrub talking about his contribution - as our elected representative - to public safety. This is the Hedonist - Signing off

Disclaimer: This piece of literary art is purely fictional and has been "inspired" from one of my favourite games GTA Vice City. You'll hear it if you take the trouble of listening carefully to the Radio in the car that you just jacked on the road. It bears not even a remote relation with the current state of affairs round the world... even it may seem highly realistic :P

Labels, Posters and more!!!

2010-01-30T12:38:00.004+05:30

After a really Utterly Butterly Delicious post by Neha (nah I ain't gonna describe what it is...go there and find out) I had to post this really really "creative" advertisement that came in with the newspaper yesterday!!!

Presenting to you

RADIO SHITTY
Mumbai's No. 2 SHIT MUSIC RADIO

IT'S ROTTT!!!

Truly Number 2... in everything!!!!!

PS: Could someone gimme one word for "kiye karaaye par paani faerna" ???
ummmm difficult??
Lemme give you the answer: FLUSH :D
Probably thats why Megan Fox doesnt want to flush... waste of effort!!!

Copy Copy Be Happy

2010-01-10T15:20:00.001+05:30

I am not going to write about any "Inspiration" (courtesy "Oonchi Hai Building" waale copyRIGHT music director) cuz I'm feeling really really really lazy to say anything right now... Not that I said anything when Baba Sehgal wrote an "Inspired" Thanda Thanda Paani while listening to Robert Van Winkle's Ice Ice Baby which itself was kinda truly or not so truly inspired by Queen's Under Pressure... But I do have some pictures for you.

Presenting to you... forth coming best sellers by one of the (allegedly) biggest selling English Language Novellists in India's History.

"I didn't say Sorry!!!"

Oh and before I finish off... I would like to claim.. that in 2010, Google is going down the toilet... wanna bet??

Google Toilet Paper... right out of Vietnam... made from 100% virgin pulp... not that any one likes promiscuous toilet paper :D

Christmas Blues.. oops Balles

2009-12-17T20:38:00.001+05:30

Check this out... Punjabi Bhangra Pop celebrating the Christmas spirit

Jingle Balle.. Jingle Balle... Oh Balle Balle

Merry Christmas to everyone in advance!!!

A Rainy Day

2009-11-30T14:58:00.000+05:30

XYZ (haven’t thought of the name as yet) was a miserable dame and she was fully aware of this cuz a lot of people has pointed the fact out to her over the years and she found no reason to disagree with all of them except that she liked to disagree with people, especially with people she disliked which included at the last count…. EVERYONE.

The hill was beginning to steepen and her old MS 800 (Maruti not Microsoft) groaned as it crept upwards carrying a huge load of various legal guides on civil and criminal defense procedures, case laws and analyses of contract laws etc. etc. etc... She heaved a sigh and shoved down a gear.

Being alone, XYZ, wasn’t naturally predisposed to be as miserable as she normally is in the company of people, or at least she hoped not be so miserable. It was just the rain which got her down… always the rain.

And it was raining as she drove on, just for a change. It was a particular type of rain that she particularly hated, particularly while she was driving. It was Rain Type 17 according to Rob McKeena’s “Rain types for Dummies”

According to McKeena, the Eskimos had over two hundred different words for snow, without which their conversation would probably have got very monotonous. So they would distinguish between thin snow and thick snow, light snow and heavy snow, sludgy snow, brittle snow, snow that came in flurries, snow that came in drifts, snow that came in on the bottom of your neighbour's boots all over your nice clean igloo floor, the snows of winter, the snows of spring, the snows you remember from your childhood that were so much better than any of your modern snow, fine snow, feathery snow, hill snow, valley snow, snow that falls in the morning, snow that falls at night, snow that falls all of a sudden just when you were going out fishing, and snow that despite all your efforts to train them, the huskies have pissed on.

Rob McKeena had two hundred and thirty-one different types of rain entered in his little book, and XYZ did not like any of them. She shifted down to 1st gear and the 800 heaved its revs up grumbling about all the legal crap it was carrying in the back seat.

Just then, the Civic that XYZ had been diligently blocking for the past 20-30 minutes finally overtook her. XYZ swore loudly pounding on the steering wheel so hard that the CD player started playing Beedi Jalaile. XYZ swore loudly again and thumped the steering wheel again and the CD player stopped at Dhuan na nikali o…. XYZ swore and swore and swore and swore and swore. Then she swore a little bit more (now that rhymes... cool)

At that very moment, when her fury was at its peak, there loomed swimmingly in her 800’s headlights, hardly visible through the blatter of Rain Type 17, a figure by the roadside, waving frantically. It was holding a sign board that wasn’t legible from the 200 meters or so of rain, road and rage that spanned between the figure and XYZ.

A poor bedraggled figure, wetter than Stuart Little in the front loading washing machine, and apparently hitching.

"Poor miserable idiot (or should I say DHA)," thought XYZ to herself, realizing that here was somebody with a better right to feel hard done by than her, "must be chilled to the bone. Stupid to be out hitching on a filthy night like this. All you get is cold, wet, and cars driving through puddles at you."

Just then she made out what was written in scrawly handwriting, “Big Fat COW -->”

Taking it that he was trying to make fun of her, she shook her head in fury, heaved another sigh, gave the wheel a turn and…

And hit a large sheet of water square on and, opening the window a bit, screamed, “@$$#0!e”

“Serves him right!!” she thought to herself as she ploughed swiftly through the puddle, “Abusing me!!! Should have run over him for that.”

Splattered in her rear-view mirror a couple of seconds later was the reflection of the figure, drenched by the roadside. For a moment she felt good about this. A moment or two later she felt bad about feeling good about it. Then she felt good about feeling bad about feeling good about it and, satisfied, tried to go on. Suddenly another shape - big, burlesque, grayish brown or was that reddish brown- loomed right in the middle of the road. XYZ slammed the breaks, turning the steering to one side sent the car careening into the foot deep mud by the side of the road. XYZ turned around to check if that was actually something or had she been hallucinating.

She saw a big fat cow sitting right in the middle of the road oblivious to Rain Type 17 and to XYZ as well, blissfully enjoying a session of rumination.

Now if only women would listen!!!

P.S.: Ever wondered why Cows like to sit in the middle of the road and not to one side???

Dynamics of Inter-Being & Monological Imperatives: A Study in "Comic" Trans-Relational Gender Modes and Biases

2009-10-31T14:56:00.007+05:30

Indo-Pak border. Vigorous firing from both sides. The Indians as usual getting the upper hand. One particular soldier by the name of Pawan Kumar Jhonke advances across the border and goes unhindered into Pak territory and comes back unhindered again. HOW??

Simple...

Panchee, Nadiyaan, Pawan K. Jhonke (our soldier)... Koi Sarhadd na inhe roke!!!

Just came across a fellow blogger who posted about aspiring to be a stand-up comedian and trying to go into the record books for the longest running stand-up comedy show... ummm.. may be he's planning to do it sitting down to conserve his stamina but anyways... this friend is trying to do a stand-up (or sit-down) comedy show.. So I thought I'd add a few of my jokes for his benefit. Nah!!! the opening line was not for his benefit, it was for yours. This way, by having you tearing away at your hair, I would be successfully lowering your expectations from this post and so any crap that goes in here gets better marks.

I think that was a secret strategy that many engineering and other students have exploited along with the inherent skill of illegible handwriting and a hanful of hindi film lyrics to the hilt to gain marks from unsuspecting, innocent, poor professors.

One classic case:

Economics exam... short note on law of diminishing marginal utility... Ask the neighbour, "Psst, show me that graph... Cmon.. or you shall face music after the exam." Copying the graph, smirking at the bewildered and scared look on the neighbour's face. Looking at the time... just 2 min to the final bell... the pen moving in a flashed blur over the answer paper... half the answer vomited from memory.. but not enuff... cmon... There's more to this... cmon... damn.. cant remember.. shudn't have kept gallavanting with the girl next door instead of cramming this answer... damn.. the invigilator coming to take away the papers... time for crisis management... and some bollywood lyrics in classic ugly handwriting... Panchee, nadiya, pawan k jhonke - koi sarhadd na inhe roke - sarhadd insaanon ke liye hai... fills the page.. and finishing touches "I and the guy in front of me don't know anything (oops the U in gUy looks like an A... too late... and anyways thats the truth aint it)" Handing over the paper to the invigilator and glancing at the neighbour who had so kindly showed him the diagram... that guy's busy labelling the diagram "NPSH of a Centrifugal pump at STP"

Surprise Surprise!!!

Coming back to the sit-down comedy show... just heard this hilarious joke on a Russel Peter's show. "In India, you'd find a lot of women called Pretty (preety, preeti, preity). Well from their looks you might think their last name was Nasty"

Nah!! I ain't into woman bashing... but here's something for all ye women out there to chew upon...

Lemme repeat.. kindly do not brand me as a misogynist (MCP is passe.. it now stands for microsoft certified professional)

Ok.. ok.. heres one for the ladies:

A man walks up to me.. all excited and flustered... yelling "I've found my Miss. RIGHT"

Few months later, I see him at the bar looking all morose. "Wassup pal?? Something wrong??"

He replies, "Yeah!! The wife!!"

"Why?? some days back you were all ecstatic bout finding Your Miss. RIGHT. Now what??"

"Damn, it was only after marriage that I realised that her first name was ALWAYS!!"

"So, how bad is it?? Are you two always arguing and disagreeing with each other??"

Trying to look resolute and calm, "Oh, no no no. She always agrees with me. Every time we are about to have a fight.. I say: I was wrong.. and she agrees!!"

Ummm.. anyone interested in some Brad Pitt Trivia??

Here's an excerpt from some "pillow talk" between a newly married Brad Pitt and his wife (ex now) Jennifer Anniston

Brad: Jen, you know what I like the most bout being married??

Jennifer(cuddling up to him, thinking something romantic was about to happed): What?

Brad: You know... I can fart in bed whenever and however I want!!!

Jennifer: Eww.. all you men are the same! Why oh Why do men pass gas more than women?

Brad: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. Ha ha ha ha haaah

Let me end this with another classic Calvin comic strip:D

Around the World in 8 Pics

2009-10-14T14:01:00.000+05:30

Some more places worth a visit.. with breath-taking views all across the world!!!

Taken from the collection of Yann Arthus-Betrand. For more of these wonderful pics... wait up... Alliance Francaise is organising an exhibition of such masterpieces on the Marine Drive... all of this December!!!

And here are some wonderful pics by me..

I call this collection: Heaven on Earth... which started off in East Westphalia... now thats more like me!!!

PS: These taste nice too :D

Noble Peace Prize???

2009-10-10T20:37:00.001+05:30

US President is declared the winner of this year's Nobel Peace Prize. I would like to congratulate him for this... though I'm sure he'd be as stumped as I am or for that matter everyone in this world except may be for the organisers of this prize (I think its called the Nobel foundation) unless they had done a draw of lots.. then even they would be stumped.

Nah.. I ain't going to harp more about this piece of crap.. cuz I already harped about it on my other blog. Just wondering whether... what happens if...

All of a sudden just when Ol' boy Obama is about to take the award, it is announced:

And this years Nobel PEAS prize for eating the most number of peas in a year goes to Mr. Barack Obama of the United States!!!

Lets hope Obama has an apt THANK YOU speech ready for that occasion. Ummm., lemme help him with that:

Peas Peas - Good for the Heart

The more you eat the more your Fart

The more you fart the better you Feel

So eat peas for every Meal !!!

Applause Applause

Pearls of Wisdom... or random incoherent babble

2009-10-02T18:43:00.002+05:30

Its been quite some time since I posted some quality crap... had been thinking about a good topic. But couldn't zero-in on anything worthwhile.

Contemplated on the Big Bang.. but realised that there are too many theories supporting or opposing that poor little theory.. so thought that I'd give good ol' Einstein some more time to Rest In Peas (his grave is covered with pea vines I think.. or may be its the Farmville hangover)

Then reached out to more contemporary people... Deepak Chopra, to be precise, and his Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Well, I did give it a serious thought, especially to the Law of Least Effort - which in general says "Don't do anything.. things will sort themselves... just as the grass grows by itself without any interference from anyone (weeds more so)". So, in the end didn't put much effort into it and let Mr. Chopra sort himself all by himself.. after all he's got a lot of load on himself with all those $2500 per person per 3 hour session to conduct.

Oh!! speaking of Deepak Chopra... have you realised what would happen if Oprah Winfrey decided to marry him one fine day?? Ummm, nothing special for Deepak though.. but Oprah would then be known as Oprah Chopra... ahhhh.. I sense a song coming up in some Bollywood film in the near or far future..."Oprah Chopra Chopra, Mere dil ka yeh Jhopda..."

And speaking of Spiritual Laws.. most of us must have heard wise elders mouth the adage "Neki kar.. dariya mein daal". Last night knowledge dawned upon me that in the early days people needed to do "Neki" and put it in "Dariya".. these days we use the loo... So I think its time to reword that old adage from "Neki kar.. dariya mein daal" to just "FLUSH"... means the same.. oh yeah!! it could also replace "Kiye karaye par paani faerna"

Moving on to more knowledge from the Wise Old Elders... "Karm karo.. phal ki chinta mat karo" comes to my mind. Perfect excuse for the modern employee... do some work.. whether you attain your target or not isn't important... or better still (metaphorically speaking) "shoot the arrow first and then call whatever you hit as your target".

The previous paragraph reminds me of our great scientists at ISRO and their dear little baby.. the Chandrayaan.. Some weeks back read the news "Chandrayaan lost... ISRO says mission successful" - KARM KARO.. PHAL KI CHINTA MAT KARO

35 Sawaal baad

2009-09-30T16:30:00.001+05:30

Have been tagged by NEHA to answer these questions... Mind you haven't had lunch.. so might feast on your brains and other senses if you read this post

1.What is your current obsession ?

PJs and my blog

2. What are you wearing today?

Sydenham T and grey green shorts... with too many pockets

3. What’s for dinner?

Probably going out tonight

4. What’s the last thing you bought?

Lotsa things from Staples... had gone in only for a black printer cartridge (which was out of stock)

5. What are you listening to right now?

Ab Good Knight k saath chaar coil extra (aweful advertising and Rani Mukherjee)

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?

ummmm... ohh... hmmmm... NO COMMENTS... whatever I say is bound to be taken as a joke... so might as well say "HAHAHAHA"... btw.. she doesn't like my sense of humour

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

South Mumbai (Conceited enuff??)

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?

Pankha and of course a glass filled with crushed ice with a large dash of blue curacao with some lemon juice and lil' bit of sugar

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

To get a refil (refer answer 8) or may be one of the places I keep describing in my blog (off the beaten track )

10. Which language do you want to learn?

English is bad enough.. ever wondered how would you use tense if you'd been time travelling?? for instance how would you describe something (in English) that was about to happen to you in the past before you avoided it by time-jumping forward two days just to avoid it. The event will be described differently depending on whether you are talking about it with respect to (W.R.T.) your own natural time, W.R.T. a time in the further future, or W.R.T. a time in the further past and is further complicated by the possibility of conducting conversations whilst you are actually travelling from one time to another with the intention of becoming your own father or mother.

11. What’s your favourite quote?

Hedonist to the Core

12. Who do you want to meet right now?

Anyone who would want to bequeath 1 billion dollars to me... any takers??

13. What is your favourite colour?

Blue.. blue denim.. blue sky.. blue curacoa..

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?

Obviously I'm wearing it...How would it be favourite if its in my closet!!!

15. What is your dream job?

President of United States... oh damn.. its going to be Bangalored now... better start looking (or should I say dreaming) for a new job now!!!

16. What’s your favorite magazine?

I prefer blogs

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?

Well.. may be a new graphics card for my PC... awww.. I think I need a new PC only

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?

Rakhi Sawant in anything... oh except when embalmed as a MUMMY (the Egyptian one not the one in the latest reality show)

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?

Tell me one style icon who isn't over-rated

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?

Anything that leaves hair on my head

21. What are you going to do after this?

Lunch

22. What are your favourite movies?

Shawshank Redemption, Scarface, Transformers (loved Megan Fox running alongside Bumblebee)

Pirates of the Carribean... actually anything with Johnny Depp.. even Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... Depp rules

23. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can't live without?

Deo...deo... and deo... unless you include soap, hand wash and toothpaste in the list

24. What inspires you ?

Breathing... when you breath in you inspire.. when you breath out... you EXPIRE.. so hold that breath

25. Give us three styling tips that always work for you:

Number your clothes.. and then use a Random number generator... great way to mix and match.. especially when you land up with 2 shirts and no pants using the random number generator

Or better still wear whatever you like... whatever you're comfortable in... TIPS are for waiters

26. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?

"Nothing" suits just fine.. when you're home alone.. else there's always some mall you can raid for another thing to pack into that closet

27. Coffee or tea?

Tea... reminds me of famous words from the movie Working Girl..."Can I get ya anything? Coffee? Tea? Me?"

28. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?

I blog... knock that feeling out with a couple of mindless paragraphs.. works everytime

29. What is the meaning of your name?

Shrikant... if he can't then who can!!!

30. Which other blogs do you love visiting?

umm.. thats a difficult question... oh.. i better mention the blog by "the person who tagged me"

31. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?

Gajar ka Halwa

32. Favorite Season ?

Rains... If I'm indoors with a cup of chai.. and some pakodas

33. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?

Your bheja if you insist on coming.. or if I'm in a good mood you might get some aloo ki sabzi that looks suspiciously like its come out from a batata wada

34. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?

Just show them a couple of fingers.. they get the message...

35. what are you afraid of the most?.. Nah I don't like this question... I'll replace it with "Should I pass this quiz on to anyone?" and I answer it with a no... anyone wants to take it inspite of that.. be my guest

Speaking of Loneliness

2009-09-19T16:45:00.009+05:30

Just read (I'm using this as a past participle and not as an imperative statement though you are free to MISSunderstand is to the best of your knowledge) a post (Story of a lonely heart... ) by a friend... Quite ludicrous it turned out to be... but thinking of lonely, this comes to my mind.. one of my favourite bands.. lets see you guessing without help from Google

Such a lonely day

And it's mine

The most loneliest day in my life

Such a lonely day

Should be banned

It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day

Shouldn't exist

It's a day that I'll never miss

Such a lonely day

And it's mine

The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go,

I wanna go with you

And if you die,

I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day

And it's mine

It's a day that I am glad I survived.

Hmmm.. what say?? Kinda weird... but gets the point across!!!

But these days have been singing Mad About the Boy by Sir Noel Coward... but if you listen carefully.. you'll realise that I am humming just one note.. over and over again... Just decided to drop "about the boy"

Number Crunching... mmmm.. Yummy!!

2009-09-16T23:55:00.000+05:30

For all those who loved my Story of One, heres another one about numbers.

Just as Einstein observed that time was not an absolute but depended on the observer's movement in space, and that space was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants.

The first non-absolute number is the number of people for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant, and then bear no apparent relation to the number of people who actually turn up, or to the number of people who subsequently join them after the show/match/party/gig, or to the number of people who leave when they see who else has turned up.

The second non-absolute number is the given time of arrival, which is now known to be one of those most bizarre of mathematical concepts, a recipriversexcluson, a number whose existence can only be defined as being anything other than itself. In other words, the given time of arrival is the one moment of time at which it is impossible that any member of the party will arrive. Recipriversexclusons now play a vital part in many branches of maths, including statistics and accountancy and also form the basic equations used to engineer the Somebody Else's Problem field.

The third and most mysterious piece of non-absoluteness of all lies in the relationship between the number of items on the bill, the cost of each item, the number of people at the table, and what they are each prepared to pay for. (The number of people who have actually brought any money is only a sub-phenomenon in this field.)

The baffling discrepancies which used to occur at this point remained uninvestigated for centuries simply because no one took them seriously. They were at the time put down to such things as politeness, rudeness, meanness, flashness, tiredness, emotionality, or the lateness of the hour, and completely forgotten about on the following morning. They were never tested under laboratory conditions, of course, because they never occurred in laboratories — not in reputable laboratories at least.

And so it was only with the advent of pocket computers that the startling truth became finally apparent, and it was this:

Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. In fact, this fact, factfully holds true for any factful numerical entity happening within the confines of a restaurant anywhere on the face (or any other bodily part you may want to designate) of the universe.

Note: Part or whole of this text may or may not have been adapted from one of the books from Douglas Adam's trilogy in four parts.. depends on whether you read it a space-time continuum extending before the third Newton-Raphson differential of the point of time when this trilogy was published or whether you read it afterwards.

Solar Energy usage on the UPPP

2009-09-15T00:34:00.000+05:30

This is just in from Reuters: "Distributed Solar Energy Market to Reach $55 Billion by 2012, Says XYZZ Research" (name withheld without request)

Nah, I'm not going to give a link to this report nor am I going to summarize the report in 10 bullet points (bullet points are so ickky.. look like goat doo.. yuckkk). Go look at the report for yourself.. Google it or whatever you wanna do.

Why am I harping bout this solar energy usage... Cuz its time to PANIC!!! Head for the hills!!!

Scientists sponsored by a certain Crown Prince of a Black Gold country have unearthed a chilling secret... that excess use of solar energy could cause the climate to destabilize and result in massive global freezing.

"As we all know, the energy from the sun pours down from up above the world so high from the sun in the sky and hits the ground and bounces back into the atmosphere making the atmosphere warm and conducive to life in all forms... from the unicellular bodied amoeba to the unicellular brained dimbot by the name of... umm I forgot that idiot's name.. anyways must not have been worth remembering either!!!", said Richard Winston Tobias Esquire Junior, Senior Research Analyst heading this sponsored research. "If you captured that energy, none of it would bounce back into the atmosphere and it would cool down and that might result in a massive Ice Age and mind you this one's for real and not at all as funny as the 3 movies"

Tobias also added, "Barring a few millionaires buried deep underground with food and resources and a large consignment of thermal underwear, all life from all walks of life would be completely frozen and destroyed by the 4000 years of Ice Age"

Upon release of this startling report, the September futures of certain thermal underwear manufacturers were seen trading at 200% premium at all exchanges across the world. However, certain other scientists working at the Wentbridge Research Laboratory in UK claimed, "Even if we made the entire planet solar dependent we would be capturing such a tiny percentage of sunlight it's not even measurable". The Wentbridge Research Laboratory promptly censored these comments and suspended these scientists for 25 weeks without stipend as the Crown Prince of this Black Gold country has made substantial donations to Wentbridge under a fictitious name.

Meanwhile, in a move to cash out on the chaos caused by this report, Rupert Frankon of the Celibate Group, has announced creation of a Rupert Frankon Salvation fund to protect certain elligible important people like himself from this impending disaster subsequent to the use of excessive solar energy. Here are a few excerpts from his interview (or should I call it sales pitch)

Do yourself a favor and pick up your telephone, call now. 2-977-8-UNDIES. What better place to witness 4000 years of winter, then from the comfort of your very own thermal shelter with your own thermal underwear with classic red CELIBATE logo around the crotch. Donate generously and donate now. When we raise 25 million we will build a 50 story tall likeness of me. If we raise 300 million the statue will rotate so I can look over this great city and cast an evil eye on degenerates.and when the eminent Ice Age occurs, those who put faith into action with sufficient generous contributions will join me Rupert Frankon in the Rupert Frankon Salvation statue for a wonderful 4000 years of partying in branded thermal underwear.. other clothes strictly optional!!! Pick up your telephone, call now. 2-977-8-UNDIES.

On a lighter note, here's another disadvantage that these researchers seem to have overlooked... Imagine every home fitted with solar panels on their roofs. Solar panels are ugly... so people don't like to look at them... Because everyone has them on their roofs, people will hardly get our of their houses to walk around... because they won't walk around, they will get Obese and Unhealthy... So solar energy is harmful to our health!!!

This concludes another edition of Retro-thinking!!!

Random Ramblings about Questions Galore

2009-09-13T00:00:00.000+05:30

Am waiting for a friend's post on some sort of questions - like the omniscient I am, I am privy to what's going to be posted but I refuse to say that the post pertains to questions for all bloggers... so as to say for internet users in general. I would also like to say that I can't keep my silence.. but relax good friend (one who's going to do that post and anyone else who wants to be considered esteemed friend of the Great Your's Truly) I ain't going to tell anything bout the questions you going to post. (Upon hearing this, the great esteemed friend of the Great Your's Truly smiled slowly... slowly not to show mystique.. but just trying to remember the correct sequence of muscle movements :D

So, before I got into this unassuming discussion (whatever that means) about human muscular movements, I was going to talk about.. or rather not talk about the post on questions by this esteemed friend of the Great Your's Truly!!!

But not talking bout those questions, let me speak about some other questions. Here's a nice excerpt from The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy

"Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir?" he squaled.

The Captain peered at him in bemusement.

"Why on Golgafrincham should I want to do that?" he asked.

"To get information out of them, sir! To find out why they came here!"

"Oh no, no, no," said the Captain. "I expect they just dropped in for a quick jynnan tonnyx, don't you?"

"But they're my prisoners! I must interrogate them!"

The Captain looked at them doubtfully.

"Oh all right," he said, "if you must. Ask them what they want to drink."

A hard cold gleam came into Number Two's eyes. He advanced slowly on Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent.

"All right, you scum," he growled, "you vermin..." He jabbed Ford with the Kill-O-Zap gun.

"Steady on, Number Two," admonished the Captain gently.

"What do you want to drink?!!" Number Two screamed.

"Well the jynnan tonnyx sounds very nice to me," said Ford. "What about you, Arthur?"

Arthur blinked.

"What? Oh, er, yes," he said.

"With ice or without?!" bellowed Number Two.

Oh, with, please," said Ford.

"Lemon??!!"

"Yes, please," said Ford, "and do you have any of those little biscuits? You know, the cheesey ones?"

"I'm asking the questions!!!!" howled Number Two, his body shaking with apoplectic fury.

Speaking of Questions.. the word.. it begins with a Q.. Nah i aint talking about the Q from James bond movies.. but the alphabet Q.. the one we learned about in nursery REMEMBER!!!

Here's a nice little story from another book from the Hitchikers trilogy in four parts (from Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

He picked up the letter Q and hurled it into a distant privet bush where it hit a young rabbit. The rabbit hurtled off in terror and didn't stop till it was set upon and eaten by a fox which choked on one of its bones and died on the bank of a stream which subsequently washed it away.

During the following weeks Ford Prefect swallowed his pride and struck up a relationship with a girl who had been a personnel officer on Golgafrincham, and he was terribly upset when she suddenly passed away as a result of drinking water from a pool that had been polluted by the body of a dead fox. The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the letter Q into a privet bush.

Redesigning

2009-09-09T17:48:00.001+05:30

Here's another one of those WONDERFUL "chutkulas" from Sarabhai vs Sarabhai...

Once the Sarabhais are trying to resurrect the "Aatma" of Indravadhan's Mother.. so that they can find out where she had hidden the owndership deed of the house... so besides all the "ek-pe-ek-free" antics of Monisha, they get a modern "Ojha" (a friend of Sonia's) who tries to "call" the said Aatma into Monisha's body with the chant "hamagra meymay gyaadha"

Sahil's reply to that: Hum Agra May mein nahin Feb mein GYAADHA

Joke's apart - coming to the main issue to be addressed in this post

Just wanted to show-off my awards a bit better.. so had been cooking up a script so that each one of them would pop out and show off in full glory.. Do write in and tell me how it looks? Hint: try clicking on the top left hand corner of each award to make it come alive :D

Or did the earlier Awards shelf look better?? For your reference its there below the subscribe widget on the right sidebar

The Humane Award

2009-09-08T00:00:00.001+05:30

The Humane Award is to honour certain respected bloggers (Ahem ahem) who - according to fellow bloggers - are kindhearted individuals... and guess what!!! I have been given this award by my friend Neha

Before going on to the huge list of Thank you's, there is a far more important thing to do. Tradition says that this award has to be passed on by the Awardee to 5 other such deserving candidates and also the Awardee has to link back to the Awarder. I think I, the awardee, have linked back to Neha, the awarder, in the earlier paragraph... but there might be a cross connection so as to say in telecom terminology... or may be not.. who cares!!!

Coming back to my 5 nominations (it had been really difficult to let this award pass.. but I have to let it go so that it goes wherever it wants to be gone... like Gone with the BROKEN Wind )

Neha herself for having kind-heartedly awarded my this award
Neha again for having kind-heartedly read through all of my posts and bearing with my incessant CRAP
Neha once more for kind-heartedly (umm.. cant think of anything..) having awarded my this award
I-Me-Myself (have to be conceited enough to live up to the other award that I have received ) for kind-heartedly having accepted the award which Neha had been so kindhearted in awarding to me
I-Me-Myself for having kind-heartedly passed on the award as per its tradition to 5 other nominees

Finally I would like to kind-heartedly thank that wonderful kind-hearted friend Neha (please click on this link its the original link) who kind-heartedly took out time to present this kind-hearted award. THANK YOU

Epilogue

Damn I have created so many links and cross links on this post that I will be able to extract a super strong cross-linking polymer exactly 15 years 3 months and 6 days from today provided all other things including Einsteinian Equilibrium between Space and Time remained concurrent with the secondary inverse Laplace transform of Bernoulli's Bouyancy equation partially intergrated along with Galerkin weighted residuals of Euler's laminar flow equations.

I am extremely sorry for breaking this chain of presenting this Award but as I had promised to a famous Neanderthal thinker by the name of Ooh-ooh-aah-aah, I shall not pass on anything to anyone if its been passed on and on... like for instance chain mails like the ones claiming to earn your free Ericsson T18 and R320 Laptops (which infact are long gone discontinued cell phone models... infact our very own Mr. Ooh-ooh-aah-aah did own one of them in his early days when he used to travel to university on his favourite Scooto-saur)

This is the perfect demonstration of greatness... even a blogpost has its own Epilogue... all Hail the Hedonist!!

Off the beaten track - Part 2

2009-09-01T20:27:00.001+05:30

Bringing to you another one of those WONDERFUL beaches from Maharashtra. Pure white sands... pristine blue water... straight out of a fairy tale..

And ofcourse... Teenie Meenie Crabs

Ohh I forgot... and here's me!!! Nah.. not straight out of a fairy tale... but definitely in Heaven!!!
Awwww... I'm getting forgetful... forgot to mention the name of this haven... its called Khavane

Time for some recognition

2009-08-27T18:11:00.000+05:30

The past few days have witnessed the arrival of an angel, showering our lives with immense happiness. This angel has brought with it riches of untold proportions. One of us here has been blessed with these riches. Let me take this opportunity to Congratulate that very special friend of ours..... A BIG APPLAUSE FOR OUR VERY OWN NEHATRIX... for having become the aunt of a sweet little child... On this occassion I would like to award her with a very special award on becoming the Auntyji (as many have monickered her)

Congratulating her on this happy occassion

Oh.. we have a very special guest to give this Award.. our very own Bella Aunty :P

Bella Aunty:Here you go my dear little MORE-OR-LESS-NOT-SO-VERY-STRANGE Nehatrix...

Tagging Neha for writing a Thank You speech thats atleast 1000 words in length!!!

Shitty Ideas

2009-08-26T00:20:00.000+05:30

Refering to a comment on the previous post by a friend... "hahahaha, now I know where do you get the shitty ideas from..."

Instead of replying then and there, I thought it would be a better idea to post the reply here.

The world's most revolutionary ideas originated in the LOO

The Theory of General Relativity was proposed by Einstein while trying to shave and bathe at the same time using the same soap... the initial draft of the theory said that uses of soap are relative to the user, he may use it for anything that suits his purpose... later he generalised it over SPACE and TIME

Poor old Newton's LOO was a bit clogged so he was doing the do behind the apple tree when the apple decide to interrupt his output processes. You know what he exclaimed when the apple first hit him.. he said OUCH (now someone is going to take a shot at me for such a FALTU PJ but then even I would say OUCH.. hehe) before proposing the laws of gravitation. From then on the adage "whatever goes up... comes down... especially the fat one" holds true... kyunki Newton neeche baith ke usey bula raha hai :D

Most of us would be aware of the Eureka Eureka incident when Archimedes ran out of a public bath in his birthday suit after having discovered Buoyancy.

So I would like to say to the person who gave that comment... who knows.. someday you might win the Nobel Prize for Metaphysics for some shitty idea from the loo.. something like: "Hope floats.. but who cares.. shit floats too"

Computers for Dummies

2009-08-25T23:03:00.000+05:30

For all those Techno-turds... hint hint I just introduced these guys exactly about 2 posts back. Here's an old-school analogy explaining different parts of the computer. Found this in a REALLY old newspaper (about 4 or 5 years old).

Damn helpful ain't it??

Nostalgia

2009-08-24T23:02:00.000+05:30

Some memoirs from my years and years of education... Brings back fond memories!!!

Challenging Darwin

2009-08-23T21:51:00.000+05:30

What came first - The chicken or the egg?? Nah I ain't gonna tell a PJ like "Whatever you ordered first!!"

I'm thinking serious. Need to seriously reconsider all this evolution business.. shall I say Monkey Business!!

Been thinking about Darwin's theory of evolution. Here's my version...

There's the:

1. Monkey: Living in trees. Eating fruits and plant and animal lice. Totally incapable of doing intellectual tasks like blogging or PJ maroing. One scientist had argued that about a 100 of these banging their feet/hands.. or whatever part of the body they take fancy in.. could create a literary masterpiece of the magnitude of a Shakespeare. Who knows - may be true!!!

2. Ape-man: Nothing much to say bout this one. Just a monkey tryin to stand up straight.. occasionally.

3. Homo-Erectus: Slightly straighter version of the ape-man, having discovered better balance on 2 feet. Apne pairon par khada hona isiko kehte hain.

4. Homo-Sapiens: The so-called thinking man. And then IBM says.. stop thinking start doing. So who do we follow Darwin or IBM??

5. Homo-Sapiens-Sapiens: An alleged anomaly in Darwins theory. Once man starts thinking about everything and everything else and everything other than everything and everything else.. what remains to be thought of?? Duh more thinking man... Poor Darwin.. needed a break badly.

To quote my dear friends and great philosopher pair Calvin & Hobbes

Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.

Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice!!!

So we could probably modify Homo-Sapiens-Sapiens as Twice thinking man.. but that wud be predicting the future or may be even science fiction... Really how many of us really do think twice.. before sending that extra irritating PJ to a poor soul begging for mercy... before that extra slice of cheese in the sandwich... before that extra dose of Shanepanti in return for pj sms's...

Let me just take a breath here.. and scratch my big toe.. damn it really itches when I'm thinking hard and fast.. now dont gimme that crap about "Dimaag being in Ghutna".. its a proven fact that its a superior state of evolution... Every part of the body being capable of taking over the part or full functioning of the brain so that the brain can think of more intensive and engaging activities like day dreaming.

Taking this evolution forward, the human race now has couple of more branches according to genetic and neural scans.

6. The Homo-Techno-Nerdus: Highly adept whizkid able to operate simple calculators to complex missile defense systems with equal ease. But as a certain well know physicist or mathematician or something...lets just say thinker.. no.. lets just not say thinker as that would put him into the Homo-Sapiens Phyllum.. and that would make Einstein really angry... I wouldn't wanna be differentiated with respect to my root and then divided my infinity before being partially integrated along with the hyperbolic cosine of my square and then operated upon by an unfriendly Laplace function. So coming back to what EInstein said about this phyllum of the human race: "they find it extremely confusing to use separate soaps for bathing and shaving"

There is a complementary (I hope I got the spelling right) phyllum to this.. the Techno-Turdus (9) which is exactly opposite of the techno-nerdus.. unable to distinguish between an derived class and an inherited class... now what is that supposed to mean.. nah forget it.. lets move on

7. Homo-Workus: Nothing special about this one.. the normal human being..

8. Homo-Idlus: The couch potato man... short and stout.. high affinity for fast food and aerated drinks.. and a highly well developed thumb for operating tv remotes.

I am thinking of putting a separate phyllum for legal professionals... as it is not very clear as to which race have these creatures evolved from... though it is highly rumoured to have descended from the Homo-Erectus (non-thinking but apne pairon par khadha) species

Ohh.. and one of my doctor friends has earnestly requested me to add another phyllum The Homo-non-Erectus... no comments on that one.

PS: This is to declare that I am not making fun of certain individuals who relate themselves to the alphabets SRK. This post also doesn't aim at ridiculing other subjects of constant ridicule either.... if you get what I mean :D

I dream of Genie

2009-08-22T21:59:00.000+05:30

A long forgotten dusty lamp. Try to wipe of the dirt, it starts smoking. Out pops a Genie. Not that "I dream of Genie" types babe-genie but a tall dark grizzled erie genie. Oh damn, why should the type of genie matter. Chuck it. So, a genie pops out saying in a reverberating sound slightly more audible than a faint rasp of a sore throat, "For freeing me from the dark dank wretched depths of the dinky lamp, I grant to thee three wish"

Ok, ok.. I WANT WORLD PEACE!!!

Genie thinks for a moment, "World peace is it??"

Yes

Remove the I (Ego) and the WANT (Greed) and thou shalt have thy world peace

Huh.. whats gotten into the Hedonist, why is he talking so much sense (if that makes sense to you). Nah nothing has gotten into me.. its just that I've been cursed by a personality switching spell by our very own little Puttar Harrynder Singh Patialewaala

Why did he curse me is altogether another story. Just the other day I caught his beloved cousin Harry Potter (Singh or not so Singh is a big question) letting his hair down with his old pal Draco

Now about my other 2 wishes.

Genie: Arre bhai!! recession ka zamaana hai, ek se hi kaam chala lo. Poof!! Genie goes back to his dark dank wretched depths of the dinky lamp living happily ever after.

PS: This is for some certain FANS of mine...Nah I'm not conceited.. I'm just too GREAT... and its Hard to be Humble when you are as GREAT as me!! To put it in Sanskrit, "Eko Ahum Dvitiyo Nasti.. Na Bhootoh na bhavishyati" or something like that.. now go decipher that!!!

I would also like to thank one of these certain fans for writing an entire blogpost dedicated to my GREATNESS

Off the beaten track : Bhogwe Beach

2009-08-17T20:37:00.002+05:30

Just read a blog post by a friend reminiscing about her life in a quaint little place called Umbergaon... and was struck by the wonderful picture of the beach there. Now I am wondering… people say you get the best views of the sea in Goa or Kerala.

Let’s just say I would like to present some of the most beautiful beaches that I have had the pleasure of visiting and mind you, none of them are anywhere in Goa or Kerala.

Starting off with a place called Bhogwe. Bhogwe beach, about 29 km from Kudal and 36 km from Vengurla, is located on the western shores of Sindhudurg District in Maharashtra. The beach offers wonderful view of Karli river’s estuary which mingles secretly with sea waters from behind Devbaug’s Famous Mobara Point.

Enough of this crap, I may go on and on but still not be able to do justice to the picture perfect beauty of this place.

Lets start off with a microscopic view :D

How bout some sunsets...

My gang!!! (I can make out Bhavin, Sweta and Jaideep)

Some shots.. plain picturesque to simply breathtaking!!!

Ohh… do be careful when you walk on the sand… you’ll find a number of tiny little crabs scuttling here and there, darting in and out of the sand

To be continued...