Dynamics of Inter-Being & Monological Imperatives: A Study in "Comic" Trans-Relational Gender Modes and Biases

Indo-Pak border. Vigorous firing from both sides. The Indians as usual getting the upper hand. One particular soldier by the name of Pawan Kumar Jhonke advances across the border and goes unhindered into Pak territory and comes back unhindered again. HOW??

Simple...

Panchee, Nadiyaan, Pawan K. Jhonke (our soldier)... Koi Sarhadd na inhe roke!!!

Just came across a fellow blogger who posted about aspiring to be a stand-up comedian and trying to go into the record books for the longest running stand-up comedy show... ummm.. may be he's planning to do it sitting down to conserve his stamina but anyways... this friend is trying to do a stand-up (or sit-down) comedy show.. So I thought I'd add a few of my jokes for his benefit. Nah!!! the opening line was not for his benefit, it was for yours. This way, by having you tearing away at your hair, I would be successfully lowering your expectations from this post and so any crap that goes in here gets better marks.

I think that was a secret strategy that many engineering and other students have exploited along with the inherent skill of illegible handwriting and a hanful of hindi film lyrics to the hilt to gain marks from unsuspecting, innocent, poor professors.

One classic case:

Economics exam... short note on law of diminishing marginal utility... Ask the neighbour, "Psst, show me that graph... Cmon.. or you shall face music after the exam." Copying the graph, smirking at the bewildered and scared look on the neighbour's face. Looking at the time... just 2 min to the final bell... the pen moving in a flashed blur over the answer paper... half the answer vomited from memory.. but not enuff... cmon... There's more to this... cmon... damn.. cant remember.. shudn't have kept gallavanting with the girl next door instead of cramming this answer... damn.. the invigilator coming to take away the papers... time for crisis management... and some bollywood lyrics in classic ugly handwriting... Panchee, nadiya, pawan k jhonke - koi sarhadd na inhe roke - sarhadd insaanon ke liye hai... fills the page.. and finishing touches "I and the guy in front of me don't know anything (oops the U in gUy looks like an A... too late... and anyways thats the truth aint it)" Handing over the paper to the invigilator and glancing at the neighbour who had so kindly showed him the diagram... that guy's busy labelling the diagram "NPSH of a Centrifugal pump at STP"

Surprise Surprise!!!

Coming back to the sit-down comedy show... just heard this hilarious joke on a Russel Peter's show. "In India, you'd find a lot of women called Pretty (preety, preeti, preity). Well from their looks you might think their last name was Nasty"

Nah!! I ain't into woman bashing... but here's something for all ye women out there to chew upon...

Lemme repeat.. kindly do not brand me as a misogynist (MCP is passe.. it now stands for microsoft certified professional)

Ok.. ok.. heres one for the ladies:

A man walks up to me.. all excited and flustered... yelling "I've found my Miss. RIGHT"

Few months later, I see him at the bar looking all morose. "Wassup pal?? Something wrong??"

He replies, "Yeah!! The wife!!"

"Why?? some days back you were all ecstatic bout finding Your Miss. RIGHT. Now what??"

"Damn, it was only after marriage that I realised that her first name was ALWAYS!!"

"So, how bad is it?? Are you two always arguing and disagreeing with each other??"

Trying to look resolute and calm, "Oh, no no no. She always agrees with me. Every time we are about to have a fight.. I say: I was wrong.. and she agrees!!"

Ummm.. anyone interested in some Brad Pitt Trivia??

Here's an excerpt from some "pillow talk" between a newly married Brad Pitt and his wife (ex now) Jennifer Anniston

Brad: Jen, you know what I like the most bout being married??

Jennifer(cuddling up to him, thinking something romantic was about to happed): What?

Brad: You know... I can fart in bed whenever and however I want!!!

Jennifer: Eww.. all you men are the same! Why oh Why do men pass gas more than women?

Brad: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. Ha ha ha ha haaah

Let me end this with another classic Calvin comic strip:D

Around the World in 8 Pics

Some more places worth a visit.. with breath-taking views all across the world!!!

Taken from the collection of Yann Arthus-Betrand. For more of these wonderful pics... wait up... Alliance Francaise is organising an exhibition of such masterpieces on the Marine Drive... all of this December!!!

And here are some wonderful pics by me..

I call this collection: Heaven on Earth... which started off in East Westphalia... now thats more like me!!!

PS: These taste nice too :D

Noble Peace Prize???

US President is declared the winner of this year's Nobel Peace Prize. I would like to congratulate him for this... though I'm sure he'd be as stumped as I am or for that matter everyone in this world except may be for the organisers of this prize (I think its called the Nobel foundation) unless they had done a draw of lots.. then even they would be stumped.

Nah.. I ain't going to harp more about this piece of crap.. cuz I already harped about it on my other blog. Just wondering whether... what happens if...

All of a sudden just when Ol' boy Obama is about to take the award, it is announced:

And this years Nobel PEAS prize for eating the most number of peas in a year goes to Mr. Barack Obama of the United States!!!

 Lets hope Obama has an apt THANK YOU speech ready for that occasion. Ummm., lemme help him with that:

Peas Peas - Good for the Heart

The more you eat the more your Fart

The more you fart the better you Feel

So eat peas for every Meal !!!


Applause Applause

Pearls of Wisdom... or random incoherent babble

Its been quite some time since I posted some quality crap... had been thinking about a good topic. But couldn't zero-in on anything worthwhile.

Contemplated on the Big Bang.. but realised that there are too many theories supporting or opposing that poor little theory.. so thought that I'd give good ol' Einstein some more time to Rest In Peas (his grave is covered with pea vines I think.. or may be its the Farmville hangover)

Then reached out to more contemporary people... Deepak Chopra, to be precise, and his Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Well, I did give it a serious thought, especially to the Law of Least Effort - which in general says "Don't do anything.. things will sort themselves... just as the grass grows by itself without any interference from anyone (weeds more so)". So, in the end didn't put much effort into it and let Mr. Chopra sort himself all by himself.. after all he's got a lot of load on himself with all those $2500 per person per 3 hour session to conduct.

Oh!! speaking of Deepak Chopra... have you realised what would happen if Oprah Winfrey decided to marry him one fine day?? Ummm, nothing special for Deepak though.. but Oprah would then be known as Oprah Chopra... ahhhh.. I sense a song coming up in some Bollywood film in the near or far future..."Oprah Chopra Chopra, Mere dil ka yeh Jhopda..."

And speaking of Spiritual Laws.. most of us must have heard wise elders mouth the adage "Neki kar.. dariya mein daal". Last night knowledge dawned upon me that in the early days people needed to do "Neki" and put it in "Dariya".. these days we use the loo... So I think its time to reword that old adage from "Neki kar.. dariya mein daal" to just "FLUSH"... means the same.. oh yeah!! it could also replace "Kiye karaye par paani faerna"

Moving on to more knowledge from the Wise Old Elders... "Karm karo.. phal ki chinta mat karo" comes to my mind. Perfect excuse for the modern employee... do some work.. whether you attain your target or not isn't important... or better still (metaphorically speaking) "shoot the arrow first and then call whatever you hit as your target".

The previous paragraph reminds me of our great scientists at ISRO and their dear little baby.. the Chandrayaan.. Some weeks back read the news "Chandrayaan lost... ISRO says mission successful" - KARM KARO.. PHAL KI CHINTA MAT KARO