Christmas Blues.. oops Balles

Check this out... Punjabi Bhangra Pop celebrating  the Christmas spirit

Jingle Balle.. Jingle Balle... Oh Balle Balle



Merry Christmas to everyone in advance!!!

A Rainy Day

XYZ (haven’t thought of the name as yet) was a miserable dame and she was fully aware of this cuz a lot of people has pointed the fact out to her over the years and she found no reason to disagree with all of them except that she liked to disagree with people, especially with people she disliked which included at the last count…. EVERYONE.

The hill was beginning to steepen and her old MS 800 (Maruti not Microsoft) groaned as it crept upwards carrying a huge load of various legal guides on civil and criminal defense procedures, case laws and analyses of contract laws etc. etc. etc... She heaved a sigh and shoved down a gear.

Being alone, XYZ, wasn’t naturally predisposed to be as miserable as she normally is in the company of people, or at least she hoped not be so miserable. It was just the rain which got her down… always the rain.

And it was raining as she drove on, just for a change. It was a particular type of rain that she particularly hated, particularly while she was driving. It was Rain Type 17 according to Rob McKeena’s “Rain types for Dummies”

According to McKeena, the Eskimos had over two hundred different words for snow, without which their conversation would probably have got very monotonous. So they would distinguish between thin snow and thick snow, light snow and heavy snow, sludgy snow, brittle snow, snow that came in flurries, snow that came in drifts, snow that came in on the bottom of your neighbour's boots all over your nice clean igloo floor, the snows of winter, the snows of spring, the snows you remember from your childhood that were so much better than any of your modern snow, fine snow, feathery snow, hill snow, valley snow, snow that falls in the morning, snow that falls at night, snow that falls all of a sudden just when you were going out fishing, and snow that despite all your efforts to train them, the huskies have pissed on.

Rob McKeena had two hundred and thirty-one different types of rain entered in his little book, and XYZ did not like any of them. She shifted down to 1st gear and the 800 heaved its revs up grumbling about all the legal crap it was carrying in the back seat.

Just then, the Civic that XYZ had been diligently blocking for the past 20-30 minutes finally overtook her. XYZ swore loudly pounding on the steering wheel so hard that the CD player started playing Beedi Jalaile. XYZ swore loudly again and thumped the steering wheel again and the CD player stopped at Dhuan na nikali o…. XYZ swore and swore and swore and swore and swore. Then she swore a little bit more (now that rhymes... cool)

At that very moment, when her fury was at its peak, there loomed swimmingly in her 800’s headlights, hardly visible through the blatter of Rain Type 17, a figure by the roadside, waving frantically. It was holding a sign board that wasn’t legible from the 200 meters or so of rain, road and rage that spanned between the figure and XYZ.

A poor bedraggled figure, wetter than Stuart Little in the front loading washing machine, and apparently hitching.

"Poor miserable idiot (or should I say DHA)," thought XYZ to herself, realizing that here was somebody with a better right to feel hard done by than her, "must be chilled to the bone. Stupid to be out hitching on a filthy night like this. All you get is cold, wet, and cars driving through puddles at you."

Just then she made out what was written in scrawly handwriting, “Big Fat COW -->”

Taking it that he was trying to make fun of her, she shook her head in fury, heaved another sigh, gave the wheel a turn and…

And hit a large sheet of water square on and, opening the window a bit, screamed, “@$$#0!e”

“Serves him right!!” she thought to herself as she ploughed swiftly through the puddle, “Abusing me!!! Should have run over him for that.”

Splattered in her rear-view mirror a couple of seconds later was the reflection of the figure, drenched by the roadside. For a moment she felt good about this. A moment or two later she felt bad about feeling good about it. Then she felt good about feeling bad about feeling good about it and, satisfied, tried to go on. Suddenly another shape - big, burlesque, grayish brown or was that reddish brown- loomed right in the middle of the road. XYZ slammed the breaks, turning the steering to one side sent the car careening into the foot deep mud by the side of the road. XYZ turned around to check if that was actually something or had she been hallucinating.

She saw a big fat cow sitting right in the middle of the road oblivious to Rain Type 17 and to XYZ as well, blissfully enjoying a session of rumination.

Now if only women would listen!!!

P.S.: Ever wondered why Cows like to sit in the middle of the road and not to one side???

Dynamics of Inter-Being & Monological Imperatives: A Study in "Comic" Trans-Relational Gender Modes and Biases

Indo-Pak border. Vigorous firing from both sides. The Indians as usual getting the upper hand. One particular soldier by the name of Pawan Kumar Jhonke advances across the border and goes unhindered into Pak territory and comes back unhindered again. HOW??

Simple...

Panchee, Nadiyaan, Pawan K. Jhonke (our soldier)... Koi Sarhadd na inhe roke!!!

Just came across a fellow blogger who posted about aspiring to be a stand-up comedian and trying to go into the record books for the longest running stand-up comedy show... ummm.. may be he's planning to do it sitting down to conserve his stamina but anyways... this friend is trying to do a stand-up (or sit-down) comedy show.. So I thought I'd add a few of my jokes for his benefit. Nah!!! the opening line was not for his benefit, it was for yours. This way, by having you tearing away at your hair, I would be successfully lowering your expectations from this post and so any crap that goes in here gets better marks.

I think that was a secret strategy that many engineering and other students have exploited along with the inherent skill of illegible handwriting and a hanful of hindi film lyrics to the hilt to gain marks from unsuspecting, innocent, poor professors.

One classic case:

Economics exam... short note on law of diminishing marginal utility... Ask the neighbour, "Psst, show me that graph... Cmon.. or you shall face music after the exam." Copying the graph, smirking at the bewildered and scared look on the neighbour's face. Looking at the time... just 2 min to the final bell... the pen moving in a flashed blur over the answer paper... half the answer vomited from memory.. but not enuff... cmon... There's more to this... cmon... damn.. cant remember.. shudn't have kept gallavanting with the girl next door instead of cramming this answer... damn.. the invigilator coming to take away the papers... time for crisis management... and some bollywood lyrics in classic ugly handwriting... Panchee, nadiya, pawan k jhonke - koi sarhadd na inhe roke - sarhadd insaanon ke liye hai... fills the page.. and finishing touches "I and the guy in front of me don't know anything (oops the U in gUy looks like an A... too late... and anyways thats the truth aint it)" Handing over the paper to the invigilator and glancing at the neighbour who had so kindly showed him the diagram... that guy's busy labelling the diagram "NPSH of a Centrifugal pump at STP"

Surprise Surprise!!!

Coming back to the sit-down comedy show... just heard this hilarious joke on a Russel Peter's show. "In India, you'd find a lot of women called Pretty (preety, preeti, preity). Well from their looks you might think their last name was Nasty"

Nah!! I ain't into woman bashing... but here's something for all ye women out there to chew upon...

Lemme repeat.. kindly do not brand me as a misogynist (MCP is passe.. it now stands for microsoft certified professional)

Ok.. ok.. heres one for the ladies:

A man walks up to me.. all excited and flustered... yelling "I've found my Miss. RIGHT"

Few months later, I see him at the bar looking all morose. "Wassup pal?? Something wrong??"

He replies, "Yeah!! The wife!!"

"Why?? some days back you were all ecstatic bout finding Your Miss. RIGHT. Now what??"

"Damn, it was only after marriage that I realised that her first name was ALWAYS!!"

"So, how bad is it?? Are you two always arguing and disagreeing with each other??"

Trying to look resolute and calm, "Oh, no no no. She always agrees with me. Every time we are about to have a fight.. I say: I was wrong.. and she agrees!!"

Ummm.. anyone interested in some Brad Pitt Trivia??

Here's an excerpt from some "pillow talk" between a newly married Brad Pitt and his wife (ex now) Jennifer Anniston

Brad: Jen, you know what I like the most bout being married??

Jennifer(cuddling up to him, thinking something romantic was about to happed): What?

Brad: You know... I can fart in bed whenever and however I want!!!

Jennifer: Eww.. all you men are the same! Why oh Why do men pass gas more than women?

Brad: Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. Ha ha ha ha haaah

Let me end this with another classic Calvin comic strip:D

Around the World in 8 Pics

Some more places worth a visit.. with breath-taking views all across the world!!!

Taken from the collection of Yann Arthus-Betrand. For more of these wonderful pics... wait up... Alliance Francaise is organising an exhibition of such masterpieces on the Marine Drive... all of this December!!!

And here are some wonderful pics by me..

I call this collection: Heaven on Earth... which started off in East Westphalia... now thats more like me!!!

PS: These taste nice too :D

Noble Peace Prize???

US President is declared the winner of this year's Nobel Peace Prize. I would like to congratulate him for this... though I'm sure he'd be as stumped as I am or for that matter everyone in this world except may be for the organisers of this prize (I think its called the Nobel foundation) unless they had done a draw of lots.. then even they would be stumped.

Nah.. I ain't going to harp more about this piece of crap.. cuz I already harped about it on my other blog. Just wondering whether... what happens if...

All of a sudden just when Ol' boy Obama is about to take the award, it is announced:

And this years Nobel PEAS prize for eating the most number of peas in a year goes to Mr. Barack Obama of the United States!!!

 Lets hope Obama has an apt THANK YOU speech ready for that occasion. Ummm., lemme help him with that:

Peas Peas - Good for the Heart

The more you eat the more your Fart

The more you fart the better you Feel

So eat peas for every Meal !!!


Applause Applause

Pearls of Wisdom... or random incoherent babble

Its been quite some time since I posted some quality crap... had been thinking about a good topic. But couldn't zero-in on anything worthwhile.

Contemplated on the Big Bang.. but realised that there are too many theories supporting or opposing that poor little theory.. so thought that I'd give good ol' Einstein some more time to Rest In Peas (his grave is covered with pea vines I think.. or may be its the Farmville hangover)

Then reached out to more contemporary people... Deepak Chopra, to be precise, and his Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. Well, I did give it a serious thought, especially to the Law of Least Effort - which in general says "Don't do anything.. things will sort themselves... just as the grass grows by itself without any interference from anyone (weeds more so)". So, in the end didn't put much effort into it and let Mr. Chopra sort himself all by himself.. after all he's got a lot of load on himself with all those $2500 per person per 3 hour session to conduct.

Oh!! speaking of Deepak Chopra... have you realised what would happen if Oprah Winfrey decided to marry him one fine day?? Ummm, nothing special for Deepak though.. but Oprah would then be known as Oprah Chopra... ahhhh.. I sense a song coming up in some Bollywood film in the near or far future..."Oprah Chopra Chopra, Mere dil ka yeh Jhopda..."

And speaking of Spiritual Laws.. most of us must have heard wise elders mouth the adage "Neki kar.. dariya mein daal". Last night knowledge dawned upon me that in the early days people needed to do "Neki" and put it in "Dariya".. these days we use the loo... So I think its time to reword that old adage from "Neki kar.. dariya mein daal" to just "FLUSH"... means the same.. oh yeah!! it could also replace "Kiye karaye par paani faerna"

Moving on to more knowledge from the Wise Old Elders... "Karm karo.. phal ki chinta mat karo" comes to my mind. Perfect excuse for the modern employee... do some work.. whether you attain your target or not isn't important... or better still (metaphorically speaking) "shoot the arrow first and then call whatever you hit as your target".

The previous paragraph reminds me of our great scientists at ISRO and their dear little baby.. the Chandrayaan.. Some weeks back read the news "Chandrayaan lost... ISRO says mission successful" - KARM KARO.. PHAL KI CHINTA MAT KARO

35 Sawaal baad

Have been tagged by NEHA to answer these questions... Mind you haven't had lunch.. so might feast on your brains and other senses if you read this post

1.What is your current obsession ?

PJs and my blog

2. What are you wearing today?

Sydenham T and grey green shorts... with too many pockets

3. What’s for dinner?

Probably going out tonight

4. What’s the last thing you bought?

Lotsa things from Staples... had gone in only for a black printer cartridge (which was out of stock)

5. What are you listening to right now?

Ab Good Knight k saath chaar coil extra (aweful advertising and Rani Mukherjee)

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?

ummmm... ohh... hmmmm... NO COMMENTS... whatever I say is bound to be taken as a joke... so might as well say "HAHAHAHA"... btw.. she doesn't like my sense of humour

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?

South Mumbai (Conceited enuff??)

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?

Pankha and of course a glass filled with crushed ice with a large dash of blue curacao with some lemon juice and lil' bit of sugar

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

To get a refil (refer answer 8) or may be one of the places I keep describing in my blog (off the beaten track )

10. Which language do you want to learn?

English is bad enough.. ever wondered how would you use tense if you'd been time travelling?? for instance how would you describe something (in English) that was about to happen to you in the past before you avoided it by time-jumping forward two days just to avoid it. The event will be described differently depending on whether you are talking about it with respect to (W.R.T.) your own natural time, W.R.T. a time in the further future, or W.R.T. a time in the further past and is further complicated by the possibility of conducting conversations whilst you are actually travelling from one time to another with the intention of becoming your own father or mother.

11. What’s your favourite quote?

Hedonist to the Core

12. Who do you want to meet right now?

Anyone who would want to bequeath 1 billion dollars to me... any takers??

13. What is your favourite colour?

Blue.. blue denim.. blue sky.. blue curacoa..

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?

Obviously I'm wearing it...How would it be favourite if its in my closet!!!

15. What is your dream job?

President of United States... oh damn.. its going to be Bangalored now... better start looking (or should I say dreaming) for a new job now!!!

16. What’s your favorite magazine?

I prefer blogs

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?

Well.. may be a new graphics card for my PC... awww.. I think I need a new PC only

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?

Rakhi Sawant in anything... oh except when embalmed as a MUMMY (the Egyptian one not the one in the latest reality show)

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?

Tell me one style icon who isn't over-rated

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?

Anything that leaves hair on my head

21. What are you going to do after this?

Lunch

22. What are your favourite movies?

Shawshank Redemption,  Scarface, Transformers (loved Megan Fox running alongside Bumblebee)

Pirates of the Carribean... actually anything with Johnny Depp.. even Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... Depp rules

23. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can't live without?

Deo...deo... and deo... unless you include soap, hand wash and toothpaste in the list

24. What inspires you ?

Breathing... when you breath in you inspire.. when you breath out... you EXPIRE.. so hold that breath

25. Give us three styling tips that always work for you:

Number your clothes.. and then use a Random number generator... great way to mix and match.. especially when you land up with 2 shirts and no pants using the random number generator

Or better still wear whatever you like... whatever you're comfortable in... TIPS are for waiters

26. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?

"Nothing" suits just fine.. when you're home alone.. else there's always some mall you can raid for another thing to pack into that closet

27. Coffee or tea?

Tea... reminds me of famous words from the movie Working Girl..."Can I get ya anything? Coffee? Tea? Me?"

28. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?

I blog... knock that feeling out with a couple of mindless paragraphs.. works everytime

29. What is the meaning of your name?

Shrikant... if he can't then who can!!!

30. Which other blogs do you love visiting?

umm.. thats a difficult question... oh.. i better mention the blog by "the person who tagged me"

31. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?

Gajar ka Halwa

32. Favorite Season ?

Rains... If I'm indoors with a cup of chai.. and some pakodas

33. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?

Your bheja if you insist on coming.. or if I'm in a good mood you might get some aloo ki sabzi that looks suspiciously like its come out from a batata wada

34. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?

Just show them a couple of fingers..  they get the message...

35. what are you afraid of the most?.. Nah I don't like this question... I'll replace it with "Should I pass this quiz on to anyone?" and I answer it with a no... anyone wants to take it inspite of that.. be my guest

Speaking of Loneliness

Just read (I'm using this as a past participle and not as an imperative statement though you are free to MISSunderstand is to the best of your knowledge) a post (Story of a lonely heart... ) by a friend... Quite ludicrous it turned out to be... but thinking of lonely, this comes to my mind.. one of my favourite bands.. lets see you guessing without help from Google

Such a lonely day

And it's mine

The most loneliest day in my life

Such a lonely day

Should be banned

It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life

The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day

Shouldn't exist

It's a day that I'll never miss

Such a lonely day

And it's mine

The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go,

I wanna go with you

And if you die,

I wanna die with you

Take your hand and walk away

The most loneliest day of my life

The most loneliest day of my life

The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day

And it's mine

It's a day that I am glad I survived.

Hmmm.. what say?? Kinda weird... but gets the point across!!!

But these days have been singing Mad About the Boy by Sir Noel Coward... but if you listen carefully.. you'll realise that I am humming just one note.. over and over again... Just decided to drop "about the boy"

Number Crunching... mmmm.. Yummy!!

For all those who loved my Story of One, heres another one about numbers.

Just as Einstein observed that time was not an absolute but depended on the observer's movement in space, and that space was not an absolute, but depended on the observer's movement in time, so it is now realized that numbers are not absolute, but depend on the observer's movement in restaurants.

The first non-absolute number is the number of people for whom the table is reserved. This will vary during the course of the first three telephone calls to the restaurant, and then bear no apparent relation to the number of people who actually turn up, or to the number of people who subsequently join them after the show/match/party/gig, or to the number of people who leave when they see who else has turned up.

The second non-absolute number is the given time of arrival, which is now known to be one of those most bizarre of mathematical concepts, a recipriversexcluson, a number whose existence can only be defined as being anything other than itself. In other words, the given time of arrival is the one moment of time at which it is impossible that any member of the party will arrive. Recipriversexclusons now play a vital part in many branches of maths, including statistics and accountancy and also form the basic equations used to engineer the Somebody Else's Problem field.

The third and most mysterious piece of non-absoluteness of all lies in the relationship between the number of items on the bill, the cost of each item, the number of people at the table, and what they are each prepared to pay for. (The number of people who have actually brought any money is only a sub-phenomenon in this field.)

The baffling discrepancies which used to occur at this point remained uninvestigated for centuries simply because no one took them seriously. They were at the time put down to such things as politeness, rudeness, meanness, flashness, tiredness, emotionality, or the lateness of the hour, and completely forgotten about on the following morning. They were never tested under laboratory conditions, of course, because they never occurred in laboratories — not in reputable laboratories at least.

And so it was only with the advent of pocket computers that the startling truth became finally apparent, and it was this:

Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. In fact, this fact, factfully holds true for any factful numerical entity happening within the confines of a restaurant anywhere on the face (or any other bodily part you may want to designate) of the universe.

Note: Part or whole of this text may or may not have been adapted from one of the books from Douglas Adam's trilogy in four parts.. depends on whether you read it a space-time continuum extending before the third Newton-Raphson differential of the point of time when this trilogy was published or whether you read it afterwards.

Solar Energy usage on the UPPP

This is just in from Reuters: "Distributed Solar Energy Market to Reach $55 Billion by 2012, Says XYZZ Research" (name withheld without request)

Nah, I'm not going to give a link to this report nor am I going to summarize the report in 10 bullet points (bullet points are so ickky.. look like goat doo.. yuckkk). Go look at the report for yourself.. Google it or whatever you wanna do.

Why am I harping bout this solar energy usage... Cuz its time to PANIC!!! Head for the hills!!!

Scientists sponsored by a certain Crown Prince of a Black Gold country have unearthed a chilling secret... that excess use of solar energy could cause the climate to destabilize and result in massive global freezing.

"As we all know, the energy from the sun pours down from up above the world so high from the sun in the sky and hits the ground and bounces back into the atmosphere making the atmosphere warm and conducive to life in all forms... from the unicellular bodied amoeba to the unicellular brained dimbot by the name of... umm I forgot that idiot's name.. anyways must not have been worth remembering either!!!", said Richard Winston Tobias Esquire Junior, Senior Research Analyst heading this sponsored research. "If you captured that energy, none of it would bounce back into the atmosphere and it would cool down and that might result in  a massive Ice Age and mind you this one's for real and not at all as funny as the 3 movies"

Tobias also added, "Barring a few millionaires buried deep underground with food and resources and a large consignment of thermal underwear, all life from all walks of life would be completely frozen and destroyed by the 4000 years of Ice Age"

Upon release of this startling report, the September futures of certain thermal underwear manufacturers were seen trading at 200% premium at all exchanges across the world. However, certain other scientists working at the Wentbridge Research Laboratory in UK claimed, "Even if we made the entire planet solar dependent we would be capturing such a tiny percentage of sunlight it's not even measurable". The Wentbridge Research Laboratory promptly censored these comments and suspended these scientists for 25 weeks without stipend as the Crown Prince of this Black Gold country has made substantial donations to Wentbridge under a fictitious name.

Meanwhile, in a move to cash out on the chaos caused by this report, Rupert Frankon of the Celibate Group, has announced creation of a Rupert Frankon Salvation fund to protect certain elligible important people like himself from this impending disaster subsequent to the use of excessive solar energy. Here are a few excerpts from his interview (or should I call it sales pitch)

Do yourself a favor and pick up your telephone, call now. 2-977-8-UNDIES. What better place to witness 4000 years of winter, then from the comfort of your very own thermal shelter with your own thermal underwear with classic red CELIBATE logo around the crotch. Donate generously and donate now. When we raise 25 million we will build a 50 story tall likeness of me. If we raise 300 million the statue will rotate so I can look over this great city and cast an evil eye on degenerates.and when the eminent Ice Age occurs, those who put faith into action with sufficient generous contributions will join me Rupert Frankon in the Rupert Frankon Salvation statue for a wonderful 4000 years of partying in branded thermal underwear.. other clothes strictly optional!!! Pick up your telephone, call now. 2-977-8-UNDIES.

On a lighter note, here's another disadvantage that these researchers seem to have overlooked... Imagine every home fitted with solar panels on their roofs. Solar panels are ugly... so people don't like to look at them... Because everyone has them on their roofs, people will hardly get our of their houses to walk around... because they won't walk around, they will get Obese and Unhealthy... So solar energy is harmful to our health!!!

This concludes another edition of Retro-thinking!!!

Random Ramblings about Questions Galore

Am waiting for a friend's post on some sort of questions - like the omniscient I am, I am privy to what's going to be posted but I refuse to say that the post pertains to questions for all bloggers... so as to say for internet users in general. I would also like to say that I can't keep my silence.. but relax good friend (one who's going to do that post and anyone else who wants to be considered esteemed friend of the Great Your's Truly) I ain't going to tell anything bout the questions you going to post. (Upon hearing this, the great esteemed friend of the Great Your's Truly smiled slowly... slowly not to show mystique.. but just trying to remember the correct sequence of muscle movements :D

So, before I got into this unassuming discussion (whatever that means) about human muscular movements, I was going to talk about.. or rather not talk about the post on questions by this esteemed friend of the Great Your's Truly!!!

But not talking bout those questions, let me speak about some other questions. Here's a nice excerpt from The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy

"Don't you want to interrogate the prisoners, sir?" he squaled.

The Captain peered at him in bemusement.

"Why on Golgafrincham should I want to do that?" he asked.

"To get information out of them, sir! To find out why they came here!"

"Oh no, no, no," said the Captain. "I expect they just dropped in for a quick jynnan tonnyx, don't you?"

"But they're my prisoners! I must interrogate them!"

The Captain looked at them doubtfully.

"Oh all right," he said, "if you must. Ask them what they want to drink."

A hard cold gleam came into Number Two's eyes. He advanced slowly on Ford Prefect and Arthur Dent.

"All right, you scum," he growled, "you vermin..." He jabbed Ford with the Kill-O-Zap gun.

"Steady on, Number Two," admonished the Captain gently.

"What do you want to drink?!!" Number Two screamed.

"Well the jynnan tonnyx sounds very nice to me," said Ford. "What about you, Arthur?"

Arthur blinked.

"What? Oh, er, yes," he said.

"With ice or without?!" bellowed Number Two.

Oh, with, please," said Ford.

"Lemon??!!"

"Yes, please," said Ford, "and do you have any of those little biscuits? You know, the cheesey ones?"

"I'm asking the questions!!!!" howled Number Two, his body shaking with apoplectic fury.

Speaking of Questions.. the word.. it begins with a Q..  Nah i aint talking about the Q from James bond movies.. but the alphabet Q.. the one we learned about in nursery REMEMBER!!! 

Here's a nice little story from another book from the Hitchikers trilogy in four parts (from Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

He picked up the letter Q and hurled it into a distant privet bush where it hit a young rabbit. The rabbit hurtled off in terror and didn't stop till it was set upon and eaten by a fox which choked on one of its bones and died on the bank of a stream which subsequently washed it away.

During the following weeks Ford Prefect swallowed his pride and struck up a relationship with a girl who had been a personnel officer on Golgafrincham, and he was terribly upset when she suddenly passed away as a result of drinking water from a pool that had been polluted by the body of a dead fox. The only moral it is possible to draw from this story is that one should never throw the letter Q into a privet bush.

More on questions??

Remember Andaz Apna Apna.. one of the dialogues

Uncle k Sawaal.. mere jawaab... uncle ka ek sawaal.. mere do do jawaab... sawaal jawaab... sawaal jawaab... sawaal jawaab.. firrr.. LAMBI KHAMOSHI!!!

For a moment nothing happened.. and for a second or so... nothing continued to happen (Quoting another quotable quote from the Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy)

I want to answer another question that my end up in the comments section.

Now you know where I draw my inspiration for writing the mindless crap comes from... From this best selling Trilogy in four parts.. the Hitchhikers trilogy!!!

Redesigning

Here's another one of those WONDERFUL "chutkulas" from Sarabhai vs Sarabhai... 

Once the Sarabhais are trying to resurrect the "Aatma" of Indravadhan's Mother.. so that they can find out where she had hidden the owndership deed of the house... so besides all the "ek-pe-ek-free" antics of Monisha, they get a modern "Ojha" (a friend of Sonia's) who tries to "call" the said Aatma into Monisha's body with the chant "hamagra meymay gyaadha"

Sahil's reply to that: Hum Agra May mein nahin Feb mein GYAADHA

Joke's apart - coming to the main issue to be addressed in this post

Just wanted to show-off my awards a bit better.. so had been cooking up a script so that each one of them would pop out and show off in full glory.. Do write in and tell me how it looks? Hint: try clicking on the top left hand corner of each award to make it come alive :D

Or did the earlier Awards shelf look better?? For your reference its there below the subscribe widget on the right sidebar

The Humane Award

The Humane Award is to honour certain respected bloggers (Ahem ahem) who - according to fellow bloggers - are kindhearted individuals... and guess what!!! I have been given this award by my friend Neha

Before going on to the huge list of Thank you's, there is a far more important thing to do. Tradition says that this award has to be passed on by the Awardee to 5 other such deserving candidates and also the Awardee has to link back to the Awarder. I think I, the awardee, have linked back to Neha, the awarder, in the earlier paragraph... but there might be a cross connection so as to say in telecom terminology... or may be not.. who cares!!!

Coming back to my 5 nominations (it had been really difficult to let this award pass.. but I have to let it go so that it goes wherever it wants to be gone... like Gone with the BROKEN Wind )

1. Neha herself for having kind-heartedly awarded my this award
2. Neha again for having kind-heartedly read through all of my posts and bearing with my incessant CRAP
3. Neha once more for kind-heartedly (umm.. cant think of anything..) having awarded my this award
4. I-Me-Myself (have to be conceited enough to live up to the other award that I have received ) for kind-heartedly having accepted the award which Neha had been so kindhearted in awarding to me
5. I-Me-Myself for having kind-heartedly passed on the award as per its tradition to 5 other nominees

Finally I would like to kind-heartedly thank that wonderful kind-hearted friend Neha (please click on this link its the original link) who kind-heartedly took out time to present this kind-hearted award. THANK YOU

Epilogue

Damn I have created so many links and cross links on this post that I will be able to extract a super strong cross-linking polymer exactly 15 years 3 months and 6 days from today provided all other things including Einsteinian Equilibrium between Space and Time remained concurrent with the secondary inverse Laplace transform of Bernoulli's Bouyancy equation partially intergrated along with Galerkin weighted residuals of Euler's laminar flow equations.

I am extremely sorry for breaking this chain of presenting this Award but as I had promised to a famous Neanderthal thinker by the name of Ooh-ooh-aah-aah, I shall not pass on anything to anyone if its been passed on and on... like for instance chain mails like the ones claiming to earn your free Ericsson T18 and R320  Laptops (which infact are long gone discontinued cell phone models... infact our very own Mr. Ooh-ooh-aah-aah did own one of them in his early days when he used to travel to university on his favourite Scooto-saur)

This is the perfect demonstration of greatness... even a blogpost has its own Epilogue... all Hail the Hedonist!!

Off the beaten track - Part 2

Bringing to you another one of those WONDERFUL beaches from Maharashtra. Pure white sands... pristine blue water... straight out of a fairy tale..

And ofcourse... Teenie Meenie Crabs







Ohh I forgot... and here's me!!! Nah.. not straight out of a fairy tale... but definitely in Heaven!!!
Awwww... I'm getting forgetful... forgot to mention the name of this haven... its called Khavane

Time for some recognition

The past few days have witnessed the arrival of an angel, showering our lives with immense happiness. This angel has brought with it riches of  untold proportions. One of us here has been blessed with these riches. Let me take this opportunity to Congratulate that very special friend of ours..... A BIG APPLAUSE FOR OUR VERY OWN NEHATRIX... for having become the aunt of a sweet little child... On this occassion I would like to award her with a very special award on becoming the Auntyji (as many have monickered her)

Congratulating her on this happy occassion

Oh.. we have a very special guest to give this Award.. our very own Bella Aunty :P

Bella Aunty:Here you go my dear little MORE-OR-LESS-NOT-SO-VERY-STRANGE Nehatrix... 

Tagging Neha for writing a Thank You speech thats atleast 1000 words in length!!!

Shitty Ideas

Refering to a comment on the previous post by a friend... "hahahaha, now I know where do you get the shitty ideas from..."

Instead of replying then and there, I thought it would be a better idea to post the reply here.

The world's most revolutionary ideas originated in the LOO

The Theory of General Relativity was proposed by Einstein while trying to shave and bathe at the same time using the same soap... the initial draft of the theory said that uses of soap are relative to the user, he may use it for anything that suits his purpose... later he generalised it over SPACE and TIME

Poor old Newton's LOO was a bit clogged so he was doing the do behind the apple tree when the apple decide to interrupt his output processes. You know what he exclaimed when the apple first hit him.. he said OUCH (now someone is going to take a shot at me for such a FALTU PJ but then even I would say OUCH.. hehe) before proposing the laws of gravitation. From then on the adage "whatever goes up... comes down... especially the fat one" holds true... kyunki Newton neeche baith ke usey bula raha hai :D

Most of us would be aware of the Eureka Eureka incident when Archimedes ran out of a public bath in his birthday suit after having discovered Buoyancy.

So I would like to say to the person who gave that comment... who knows.. someday you might win the Nobel Prize for Metaphysics for some shitty idea from the loo.. something like: "Hope floats..  but who cares.. shit floats too"

Computers for Dummies

For all those Techno-turds... hint hint I just introduced these guys exactly about 2 posts back. Here's an old-school analogy explaining different parts of the computer. Found this in a REALLY old newspaper (about 4 or 5 years old).

Damn helpful ain't it??

Nostalgia

Some memoirs from my years and years of education... Brings back fond memories!!!

Challenging Darwin

What came first - The chicken or the egg?? Nah I ain't gonna tell a PJ like "Whatever you ordered first!!" 

I'm thinking serious. Need to seriously reconsider all this evolution business.. shall I say Monkey Business!!

Been thinking about Darwin's theory of evolution. Here's my version...

There's the:

1. Monkey: Living in trees. Eating fruits and plant and animal lice. Totally incapable of doing intellectual tasks like blogging or PJ maroing. One scientist had argued that about a 100 of these banging their feet/hands.. or whatever part of the body they take fancy in.. could create a literary masterpiece of the magnitude of a Shakespeare. Who knows - may be true!!!

2. Ape-man: Nothing much to say bout this one. Just a monkey tryin to stand up straight.. occasionally.

3. Homo-Erectus: Slightly straighter version of the ape-man, having discovered better balance on 2 feet. Apne pairon par khada hona isiko kehte hain. 

4. Homo-Sapiens: The so-called thinking man. And then IBM says.. stop thinking start doing. So who do we follow Darwin or IBM??

5. Homo-Sapiens-Sapiens: An alleged anomaly in Darwins theory. Once man starts thinking about everything and everything else and everything other than everything and everything else.. what remains to be thought of?? Duh more thinking man... Poor Darwin.. needed a break badly.

To quote my dear friends and great philosopher pair Calvin & Hobbes

Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.

Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice!!!

So we could probably modify Homo-Sapiens-Sapiens as Twice thinking man.. but that wud be predicting the future or may be even science fiction... Really how many of us really do think twice.. before sending that extra irritating PJ to a poor soul begging for mercy... before that extra slice of cheese in the sandwich... before that extra dose of Shanepanti in return for pj sms's...

Let me just take a breath here.. and scratch my big toe.. damn it really itches when I'm thinking hard and fast.. now dont gimme that crap about "Dimaag being in Ghutna".. its a proven fact that its a superior state of evolution... Every part of the body being capable of taking over the part or full functioning of the brain so that the brain can think of more intensive and engaging activities like day dreaming.

Taking this evolution forward, the human race now has couple of more branches according to genetic and neural scans.

6. The Homo-Techno-Nerdus: Highly adept whizkid able to operate simple calculators to complex missile defense systems with equal ease. But as a certain well know physicist or mathematician or something...lets just say thinker.. no.. lets just not say thinker as that would put him into the Homo-Sapiens Phyllum.. and that would make Einstein really angry... I wouldn't wanna be differentiated with respect to my root and then divided my infinity before being partially integrated along with the hyperbolic cosine of my square and then operated upon by an unfriendly Laplace function. So coming back to what EInstein said about this phyllum of the human race: "they find it extremely confusing to use separate soaps for bathing and shaving"

There is a complementary (I hope I got the spelling right) phyllum to this.. the Techno-Turdus (9) which is exactly opposite of the techno-nerdus.. unable to distinguish between an derived class and an inherited class... now what is that supposed to mean.. nah forget it.. lets move on

7. Homo-Workus: Nothing special about this one.. the normal human being..

8. Homo-Idlus: The couch potato man... short and stout.. high affinity for fast food and aerated drinks.. and a highly well developed thumb for operating tv remotes.

I am thinking of putting a separate phyllum for legal professionals... as it is not very clear as to which race have these creatures evolved from... though it is highly rumoured to have descended from the Homo-Erectus (non-thinking but apne pairon par khadha) species

Ohh.. and one of my doctor friends has earnestly requested me to add another phyllum The Homo-non-Erectus... no comments on that one.

PS: This is to declare that I am not making fun of certain individuals who relate themselves to the alphabets SRK. This post also doesn't aim at ridiculing other subjects of constant ridicule either.... if you get what I mean :D