Universal Crisis

November 19, Heaven - In an unprecedented move yesterday, God has formally announced that production facilities on the Sun, the star allegedly at the centre of the our Solar System, will now be cutting production of solar energy by 17%. While it is evident that this will lead to the dimming of the Sun, the fact whether the production cut will be effected by worker layoff or through other means still remains in the dark (pun intended.. i think that was a pun)

Partly reliable sources confirmed that there are various reasons behind this decision to cut production. The employee turnover at the production facility remains high due to the fact that there is a high probability of vapourising of the workforce dur to high temperatures. However, this vapourisation reduces the fuel consumption at the production facilities and also minimises burden on the Healthcare plans and retirement accounts of the Sun Solar Energy Inc. (the subsidiary running the solar production facility on the Sun). Further rising fuel costs and waning resources have plagued the production facility for the past 100 million years due to the doubling of capacity to supply energy to planets beyond Big Jove. There have been scattered instances of Energy theft that have further decreased revenues of Sun Solar Energy Inc.

Meanwhile in another news it was claimed by an unreliable source that God has been running the Universe in a loss for the past 10 billion years. "The problem", the source said, "is that the price of galaxies kept going up and up. God kept building more and more galaxies on the assumption that the price would go higher. It is estimated that there are currently 200 billion galaxies with a further 300 billion in WIP. Financial analysts state that the Universe's real estate market will collapse in the next 500 years unless someone buys it out.

It is claimed that God has defualted on a $31415926535897932384626433 bn and may be forced to file for section 11 bankruptcy protection if the sorry state of universal affairs continues for another couple of decades or so.

God himself was unavailable for comment.

Meanwhile, the outgoing Bush Administration has claimed credit for erasing the effects of global warming, saying it's fiscal policies had a direct relation to both the cooling economy and star.

Disclaimer: This article is the result of a great deal of research (read aimless googling and CTRL C – CTRL V) and is written in good jest with no intent of ridiculing the mentioned parties.