Sunday, August 23, 2009

Challenging Darwin

What came first - The chicken or the egg?? Nah I ain't gonna tell a PJ like "Whatever you ordered first!!" 
I'm thinking serious. Need to seriously reconsider all this evolution business.. shall I say Monkey Business!!
Been thinking about Darwin's theory of evolution. Here's my version...

There's the:
1. Monkey: Living in trees. Eating fruits and plant and animal lice. Totally incapable of doing intellectual tasks like blogging or PJ maroing. One scientist had argued that about a 100 of these banging their feet/hands.. or whatever part of the body they take fancy in.. could create a literary masterpiece of the magnitude of a Shakespeare. Who knows - may be true!!!

2. Ape-man: Nothing much to say bout this one. Just a monkey tryin to stand up straight.. occasionally.

3. Homo-Erectus: Slightly straighter version of the ape-man, having discovered better balance on 2 feet. Apne pairon par khada hona isiko kehte hain. 

4. Homo-Sapiens: The so-called thinking man. And then IBM says.. stop thinking start doing. So who do we follow Darwin or IBM??

5. Homo-Sapiens-Sapiens: An alleged anomaly in Darwins theory. Once man starts thinking about everything and everything else and everything other than everything and everything else.. what remains to be thought of?? Duh more thinking man... Poor Darwin.. needed a break badly.

To quote my dear friends and great philosopher pair Calvin & Hobbes
Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice!!!

So we could probably modify Homo-Sapiens-Sapiens as Twice thinking man.. but that wud be predicting the future or may be even science fiction... Really how many of us really do think twice.. before sending that extra irritating PJ to a poor soul begging for mercy... before that extra slice of cheese in the sandwich... before that extra dose of Shanepanti in return for pj sms's...

Let me just take a breath here.. and scratch my big toe.. damn it really itches when I'm thinking hard and fast.. now dont gimme that crap about "Dimaag being in Ghutna".. its a proven fact that its a superior state of evolution... Every part of the body being capable of taking over the part or full functioning of the brain so that the brain can think of more intensive and engaging activities like day dreaming.

Taking this evolution forward, the human race now has couple of more branches according to genetic and neural scans.

6. The Homo-Techno-Nerdus: Highly adept whizkid able to operate simple calculators to complex missile defense systems with equal ease. But as a certain well know physicist or mathematician or something...lets just say thinker.. no.. lets just not say thinker as that would put him into the Homo-Sapiens Phyllum.. and that would make Einstein really angry... I wouldn't wanna be differentiated with respect to my root and then divided my infinity before being partially integrated along with the hyperbolic cosine of my square and then operated upon by an unfriendly Laplace function. So coming back to what EInstein said about this phyllum of the human race: "they find it extremely confusing to use separate soaps for bathing and shaving"

There is a complementary (I hope I got the spelling right) phyllum to this.. the Techno-Turdus (9) which is exactly opposite of the techno-nerdus.. unable to distinguish between an derived class and an inherited class... now what is that supposed to mean.. nah forget it.. lets move on

7. Homo-Workus: Nothing special about this one.. the normal human being..

8. Homo-Idlus: The couch potato man... short and stout.. high affinity for fast food and aerated drinks.. and a highly well developed thumb for operating tv remotes.

I am thinking of putting a separate phyllum for legal professionals... as it is not very clear as to which race have these creatures evolved from... though it is highly rumoured to have descended from the Homo-Erectus (non-thinking but apne pairon par khadha) species

Ohh.. and one of my doctor friends has earnestly requested me to add another phyllum The Homo-non-Erectus... no comments on that one.

PS: This is to declare that I am not making fun of certain individuals who relate themselves to the alphabets SRK. This post also doesn't aim at ridiculing other subjects of constant ridicule either.... if you get what I mean :D


Neha said...

hw smart u can get...I thought you were joking about tht monkey post, but ahem, its here...and what separate phyllum for legal professional...but thank u for not posting tht sms I forwarded..u saved many tht way.. ;)