This is just in from Reuters: "Distributed Solar Energy Market to Reach $55 Billion by 2012, Says XYZZ Research" (name withheld without request)
Nah, I'm not going to give a link to this report nor am I going to summarize the report in 10 bullet points (bullet points are so ickky.. look like goat doo.. yuckkk). Go look at the report for yourself.. Google it or whatever you wanna do.
Why am I harping bout this solar energy usage... Cuz its time to PANIC!!! Head for the hills!!!
Scientists sponsored by a certain Crown Prince of a Black Gold country have unearthed a chilling secret... that excess use of solar energy could cause the climate to destabilize and result in massive global freezing.
"As we all know, the energy from the sun pours down from up above the world so high from the sun in the sky and hits the ground and bounces back into the atmosphere making the atmosphere warm and conducive to life in all forms... from the unicellular bodied amoeba to the unicellular brained dimbot by the name of... umm I forgot that idiot's name.. anyways must not have been worth remembering either!!!", said Richard Winston Tobias Esquire Junior, Senior Research Analyst heading this sponsored research. "If you captured that energy, none of it would bounce back into the atmosphere and it would cool down and that might result in a massive Ice Age and mind you this one's for real and not at all as funny as the 3 movies"
Tobias also added, "Barring a few millionaires buried deep underground with food and resources and a large consignment of thermal underwear, all life from all walks of life would be completely frozen and destroyed by the 4000 years of Ice Age"
Upon release of this startling report, the September futures of certain thermal underwear manufacturers were seen trading at 200% premium at all exchanges across the world. However, certain other scientists working at the Wentbridge Research Laboratory in UK claimed, "Even if we made the entire planet solar dependent we would be capturing such a tiny percentage of sunlight it's not even measurable". The Wentbridge Research Laboratory promptly censored these comments and suspended these scientists for 25 weeks without stipend as the Crown Prince of this Black Gold country has made substantial donations to Wentbridge under a fictitious name.
Meanwhile, in a move to cash out on the chaos caused by this report, Rupert Frankon of the Celibate Group, has announced creation of a Rupert Frankon Salvation fund to protect certain elligible important people like himself from this impending disaster subsequent to the use of excessive solar energy. Here are a few excerpts from his interview (or should I call it sales pitch)
Do yourself a favor and pick up your telephone, call now. 2-977-8-UNDIES. What better place to witness 4000 years of winter, then from the comfort of your very own thermal shelter with your own thermal underwear with classic red CELIBATE logo around the crotch. Donate generously and donate now. When we raise 25 million we will build a 50 story tall likeness of me. If we raise 300 million the statue will rotate so I can look over this great city and cast an evil eye on degenerates.and when the eminent Ice Age occurs, those who put faith into action with sufficient generous contributions will join me Rupert Frankon in the Rupert Frankon Salvation statue for a wonderful 4000 years of partying in branded thermal underwear.. other clothes strictly optional!!! Pick up your telephone, call now. 2-977-8-UNDIES.
On a lighter note, here's another disadvantage that these researchers seem to have overlooked... Imagine every home fitted with solar panels on their roofs. Solar panels are ugly... so people don't like to look at them... Because everyone has them on their roofs, people will hardly get our of their houses to walk around... because they won't walk around, they will get Obese and Unhealthy... So solar energy is harmful to our health!!!
This concludes another edition of Retro-thinking!!!
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