The Story of One

As the good old PBS (may be part of BBC now, I am not too sure) documentary by the same name, as the title of this post, says – “A precise answer is impossible, but a notched bone (called the Ishango bone) found in the Congo proves that ONE has been around for at least 20,000 years.”
See, greatness called Yours Truly (the original Great One) is a legend even eons before setting foot on Earth.

Talking of stories, here’s a sho(r)t conversation between Many ‘One’s -

This ONE: This ONE is unhappy because of That ONE and That One isn’t even concerned about This ONE.
Yours Truly (Modesty demands reduced usage of the epithet Great ONE): Which ONE are you talking about?
This ONE: Some ONE … That ONE
Yours Truly: Any ONE I know??
This ONE: Don’t you know... That ONE!!!
Yours Truly: Huh!!!
This ONE: No ONE... forget it!!!

SomeONE help me… hello anyONE there?? Where is everyone??
I guess No ONE around other that the Great ONE.

Bailout Santa??

Another shocking news in the wake of the GM, Chrysler and Ford turning to the Congress in search of a 34 billion-dollar bailout found Santa Claus asking for two billion dollars to keep North Pole Enterprises, LLC, the Santa Claus holding company alive. Earlier in the week, its stock price plummeted from $80 to .25 cents per share. Given the tight credit market, it has become increasingly difficult for the company to get loans in order to finance payroll.

A clearly troubled Santa Claus who testified before the Congress indicated that Christmas might have to be canceled if North Pole Enterprises, LLC, did not immediately receive two billion dollars from Congress by December 20th.

The chairman of the Senate Banking Committee on the condition of anonymity expressed, "My first emotion is shock. Initially, I thought you were a myth. But my emotion now quickly changes to disgust. When I was five, I wrote to you for a pony. I even left out some cocoa. And what did I get? A freakin' Mechanix set." Indeed bi-partisan childhood letdowns may stall any bailout package. "I don't know that I can trust 2 billion dollars to a person who couldn't even deliver on a simple request, a Lionel HO gauge train set, I made when I was eight," said another Republican Senator.

Santa did not blanch from any criticism. "I know I've let many children down. When you've been doing this for 600 odd years, it's going to happen. And I will admit that I had a substance abuse problem for many of those years. I was drinking 100-200 cups of cocoa a day and then lapsing into a sugar coma. I've got that under control now. What I can't control is the economy."

Another Senator pointedly asked, "Mr. Claus, I've read over your proposed bailout plan many times. And frankly I have to ask are you back on cocoa?" Claus in an equally pointed reply said, "I could just say, ‘Do you want a lump of coal this year’, but that's too valuable an energy source to give away. What I will say is that I didn't come here on a Gulfstream jet. I came here in a sleigh pulled by six reindeer. "

Santa then went on to say that if he did not receive 2 billion dollars from the Congress by December 20th, he would have to cancel Christmas. And even if the funding were okayed by the Congress, Christmas would still have to be "curtailed" with several children receiving substandard toys costing well below the median demand of $4983 per child. Claus also said that 30,000 elves would still have to be laid off "as more computer based gifts are outsourced to elves in Sri Lanka."

"If North Pole Enterprises fails, its elves would no longer get paid. I would no longer be able to pay myself my annual salary of $30 million. If the elves don't get paid, then they can't order pizzas, buy beer, and subscribe to internet porn sites. If they can't do that, then pizza shops and liquor stores lose revenue, and will have to layoff their employees. If the elves can't subscribe to internet porn sites, then there will be less porn stars and porn stars get less money, which, in turn, would mean less money for them to, say, buy drugs from CIA-connected dealers, which, in turn, would mean politicians get less in kickbacks and bribes. Thus it is in the best political interests of Congress to act now, by giving North Pole Enterprises a 2 billion-dollar bailout," Santa told Congress members.

Disclaimer: This article is the result of a great deal of research (read aimless googling and CTRL C – CTRL V) and is written in good jest with no intent of ridiculing the mentioned parties.

Universal Crisis

November 19, Heaven - In an unprecedented move yesterday, God has formally announced that production facilities on the Sun, the star allegedly at the centre of the our Solar System, will now be cutting production of solar energy by 17%. While it is evident that this will lead to the dimming of the Sun, the fact whether the production cut will be effected by worker layoff or through other means still remains in the dark (pun intended.. i think that was a pun)

Partly reliable sources confirmed that there are various reasons behind this decision to cut production. The employee turnover at the production facility remains high due to the fact that there is a high probability of vapourising of the workforce dur to high temperatures. However, this vapourisation reduces the fuel consumption at the production facilities and also minimises burden on the Healthcare plans and retirement accounts of the Sun Solar Energy Inc. (the subsidiary running the solar production facility on the Sun). Further rising fuel costs and waning resources have plagued the production facility for the past 100 million years due to the doubling of capacity to supply energy to planets beyond Big Jove. There have been scattered instances of Energy theft that have further decreased revenues of Sun Solar Energy Inc.

Meanwhile in another news it was claimed by an unreliable source that God has been running the Universe in a loss for the past 10 billion years. "The problem", the source said, "is that the price of galaxies kept going up and up. God kept building more and more galaxies on the assumption that the price would go higher. It is estimated that there are currently 200 billion galaxies with a further 300 billion in WIP. Financial analysts state that the Universe's real estate market will collapse in the next 500 years unless someone buys it out.

It is claimed that God has defualted on a $31415926535897932384626433 bn and may be forced to file for section 11 bankruptcy protection if the sorry state of universal affairs continues for another couple of decades or so.

God himself was unavailable for comment.

Meanwhile, the outgoing Bush Administration has claimed credit for erasing the effects of global warming, saying it's fiscal policies had a direct relation to both the cooling economy and star.

Disclaimer: This article is the result of a great deal of research (read aimless googling and CTRL C – CTRL V) and is written in good jest with no intent of ridiculing the mentioned parties.

Lets get Poli-Tickle

Washington DC – The Congress today announced that the office of the President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India wef March 1, 2009. The move is being made in response to tremendous amounts of pressure from the business lobby opposing President-elect, Barrack Obama’s anti-outsourcing views and plan of action. Further this decision also aims at saving the President’s $700,000 yearly salary, and also a record $672 billion in expenditures that the presidential office has incurred in the past 4 years. It is anticipated $300 billion can be saved by the end of the next 4-year “outsourced” presidential term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge," stated an unnamed Congressman. "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," the Congressman noted.
Mr. Obama was informed by e-mail about this decision asking him to prepare a knowledge transition (KT) plan (as it is known in the outsourcing circles) to train the incoming outsourced (what an oxymoron!!) president about the various duties to be performed. Mr. Obama has also been asked to stay on board in an advisory capacity.
It is also planned to use the knowledge banks at Iron Mountain Inc (NYSE: IRM), which contain the brain maps of previous 6 presidents, to create a script tree which will enable the Outsourced Prez to respond effectively to most topics of concern without having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson." The earlier President has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."
On being asked about the possible vendors that the Congress would be looking at for this project, the spokesperson remarked, “We are not very clear on the attributes that we would be requiring of the person who would be responsible for dispensing the presidential duties. So we are planning to invite a few Indian companies to do a Requirements Gathering exercise and propose a suitable model. Currently we may be satisfied with a 8x5 model for service but in the coming years we would definitely want to expand the scope of services to a 24x7 model.”
Mr. Obama remained tight-lipped when asked about his future plans, but it is dead clear that like the earlier president, he too will have problems securing a new job due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime.

Disclaimer: This article is the result of a great deal of research (read aimless googling and CTRL C – CTRL V) and is written in good jest with no intent of ridiculing the mentioned parties.

Dis-Ease

CCD - not Cathode Coupled Device.. thats in digicams... not Cafe Coffee Day.. thats where you're supposed to get coffee... This CCDis Compulsive Capitalization Disorder a latest anomaly found in the working population of the world

Symptoms:
Pain in the smallest finger, aka pinky... not "Pinky aunty" due to constant impact against the left shift key. This anomaly is also observed in the right Pinky of certain Human ANOMALIES.
Any literature typed by such affected individuals is characterized by regular or Irregular (however you may want to view it) appearance of capitalized alphabets.

Self Diagnosis:
Type this paragraph a couple of times on your PC. If it looks exactly like this then you might be normal or you might have some "visual defects".. anyways those ailments are not subject of this paper.. might deal with them some other time.

Scenario 2
Type This Paragraph A Couple Of Times On Your Pc. If It Looks Like This Then You Are In The Initial Stages Of This Disorder. Take some time out, go out with your friends, meet them in person rather than on IM and behold you are normal again.

Scenario 3
TyPe ThIs PaRaGrApH A CoUpLe Of TiMeS On YoUr Pc. If It LoOkS LiKe ThIs ThEn YoU ArE ReAcHiNg ThE PeAk Of AfFlIcTiOn. YoU HaVe LoSt CoNtRoL OvEr YoUr BeLoVeD PiNkY. Tie that pinky someplace safe and you should be good to go.

Scenario 4
TYPE THIS PARAGRAPH A COUPLE OF TIMES ON YOUR PC. IF IT LOOKS LIKE THIS THEN YOU HAVE REACHED THE FINAL STAGE OF THIS DISEASE. YOUR PINKY IS IN LOCKDOWN. GIVE UP ALL MOH-MAYA AND TAKE SANYAAS.

Scenario 5
T y p e t h I s p a r a g r a p h a c o u p l e o f t I m e s o n y o u r p c . I f I t l o o k s l I k e t h I s t h e n y o u r C C D h a s s p r e a d a n d I n f e c t e d y o u r r I g h t t h u m b a s w e l l . Refer to scenario 3 for more details.

Scenario 6
Sadgfasgdfaefvscrafsdgsacdfsadsdchgsdchsgbd. Hey you are sleeping on the left side of your keyboard. Stop reading these blogs in the middle of the night. They are for your reference during work hours only.

BTW How's Pinky Aunty?? ;)

I.T. Man's love song

Look what you're doing to me

I'm utterly at your whim

All of my defenses down

Your camera looks through me

With its X-ray vision

And all systems run aground

All I can manage to push from my lips

Is a stream of absurdities

Every word I intended to speak

Wind up locked in the circuitry

No way to control it

It's totally automatic

Whenever you're around

I'm walking blindfolded

Completely automatic

All of my systems are down

Down down down

Automatic

Automatic

What is this madness

That makes my motor run

And my legs too weak to stand

I go from sadness

To exhilaration

Like a robot at your command

My hands perspire and shake like a leaf

Up and down goes my temperature

I summon doctors to get some relief

But they tell me there is no cure

They tell me

No way to control it

It's totally automatic

Whenever you're around

I'm walking blindfolded

Completely automatic

All of my systems are down

Down down down

Automatic

Automatic

N.B. This song belongs to "The Pointer Sisters"

Revolutionary Politics

Ever wondered what we could do to prevent the country's politics from going to the dogs. Roshesh Sarabhai from Sarabhai vs Sarabhai briefly touches upon a groundbreaking, revolutionary, fantastic etc. etc. solution.

lagul lagul lagul lagul
laal laal lagul lagul JELLY
jelly ke cabre dancer jaise shareer mein chhupi hai
anjaani ankahee paheli
jelly hai moma ka mann
narm mulayam meetha
pasand hai ise har koi
sangeeta rita mita aneeta
jelly giri zameen par
to awaaz aayi PLUP PLUP!
baccha usme haath maare
to sunai deti hai THUP THUP!
jelly par kabhi fungus na lage
uska swaad kabhi bhankas na lage
agar bachani hai hume hamari country...

TOH JELLY KO BANANA HOGA HAMARA PRADHAN MANTRI!!

Any takers for that???

BRAND BRAINER: Getting connected with green mobiles

GLOBAL consumer electronics and mobile phone vendors are going green in India. Heavyweight brands like Nokia, LG, Samsung and Haier, among others, are planning to roll out products that will be positioned on an environmentfriendly platform. It is the first time that environment as a brand strategy has evolved in the Indian consumer electronics industry.

Click here for the entire article
http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Repository/ml.asp?Ref=RVRNLzIwMDgvMDcvMTkjQXIwMDQwMQ==&Mode=HTML&Locale=english-skin-custom

Your's truly was the first to report this incident here:
http://h3donist.blogspot.com/2008/05/mock-ya-announces-green-phone-thats-umm.html


Hedonist Rules!!! Faster than "SABSE TEZ" ;)

Water Water Everywhere!!!

July 1, 2008,
Heavy rains lashed Mumbai. Have a look...





















Here's a saviour ;)
A boat... with a difference

Auto JUNK-shun

The Society of Indian Automobile Manufacturers (SIAM) today released a statement declaring the Batata Sandica Skaeta as an endangered species stating that its urban habitat is being threatened by rising gas prices. As the crude prices crossed $134, SIAM also stated that it is going to launch a nationwide demonstration to garner support for its movement to protect the Skaeta from extinction.

Batata, in a counter move against rising oil prices announced the launch of its unique 1 HP car. This car,codenamed ska123xyz, currently in its design phases, will house a groundbreaking 1 horse power engine... actually will house a single specially trained horse to be precise.

The horse that would be made available in a package deal with the vehicle can double up as a mechanic, claims Batata.

"We are planning to launch the car around december this year and have tentatively fixed December 20 as the roll out date," a top company official said.

- News you can lose

Disclaimer: This article is presented in good jest and is intended to be taken in that way. It is purely fictional and bears no resemblance with any thing or person in whatever state of matter.

Indecent Proposal

A gruelling tennis match. Steffi Graf serving. Someone shouts, "Steffi will you marry me?" Far from being annoyed, in a quick retort, Steffi asked back, "How much money do you have?" Now thats a level headed babe!!!
Speaking of weird proposals, here's something from a different kinda proposal I encountered. Actually a request for proposal (RFP) if you know what I mean. It stated,

"If you intend to respond to this Request, kindly fill out the letter of intent, enclose it in an envelope and send it to the below mentioned address by post, courier or electronic mail."
I am still stumped about how am I going to enclose any document in an envelope and then

E-mail it???
Any ideas!!!

Imitation

It is said, 'Imitation is the best form of flattery'... but a question arises, is the copy as good as the original???

Be it the NOKLA N95

Or the fake IPOD Nano

it could never stand up to the original...

Why am I saying all this?? Something or someone called the "Epicurean" (supposedly has somewhat a similar meaning as the word HEDONIST) has had (to quote that thing) "temerity" to try and equate itself knowingly and unknowingly to ME.. The Hedonist... I just got three word for that thing... Go Get a Life.. cuz you aint nowhere close to the popularity that The Hedonist commands

On the other hand, going by the true meaning (one such found on answers.com if you choose to seek) of Epicurean... and then translating it to Hindi... BHUKKAD, surely is an apt name for such an ignonimity!!!

Contact me for further details!!!

Mock-ya announces Green phones, that are... umm.. GREEN!

Mock-ya, in order to gain the 1st position from which it had dropped to 10th position in the list of most eco-friendly technological innovators, has announced the plan to launch 40 new green mobile phones this year, in India. Not only are these phones going to be green in colour, these are also going to be bio-degradable. The materials to be used include polylactic acid (PLA) plastics with plant and other biomass-based modifiers. In addition, Mock-ya is also working on providing hand crank/solar chargers for charging these phones in an eco-friendly way.

What's more, these phones can be converted into wonderful fertilizer by simply burrying these phones like any other biomass. Great way to get rid of phones you get bored of.. just feed them to your favourite plant!!

But, customer rights activist, RRT Siakuma has claimed that these phones have a tendency to simply disintegrate over time especially in hot and humid climates like India. The activist stated that this was a ploy of the electronic giant to boost its waning sales fooling clueless customers.However, Blackpeas, a global organization promoting environment conservation has applauded this announcement saying that this could be a new beginning of a green approach to modernization very much like Natural Gas powered wind turbines used by energy giant Buslorn.

Incidently, on the heels of Mock-ya's anouncement of introducing these eco-friendly phones, Buslorn has claimed that it has just discovered a new highly potent source of natural gas to power its wind turbines all around the world. Experts from Buslorn said in a statement released to the press late last night, just hours after Mock-ya's announcement, that they have deviced a new, innovative mechanism for extracting Natural gas from Mock-ya's phones as well as phone users. Its is estimated that with these sources, enough natural gas would be collected to provide enough energy to the world's entire population for the next 1200 years.

Following, these announcements, the share price of both companies remained unchanged.

- News you can lose

Disclaimer: This article is presented in good jest and is intended to be taken in that way. It is purely fictional and bears no resemblance with any thing or person in whatever state of matter.

Batata launches Sandica Phsita with hybrid engine

Homegrown major Batata Motors today announced it will be launching a new variant of the recently launched dual fuelled variant of its hatchback 'sandica'. This new version, the Sandica V2 Pshita will sport an entirely new look with the exteriors.. yes the exteriors completely covered with fur.

The company said in a statement, that it is going to offer a practical and affordable family car that runs on something other than oil and that sharply reduces both greenhouse gas emissions and your fuel bill? It can run 40 kilometers on electricity before reverting to running efficiently on gasoline like a normal hybrid, such as the Toyota Prius. Because the majority of people drive less than 40 kilometers a day, that car can replace most weekly gasoline use, even if it is charged only once a day. The fuel cost per mile, while running on electricity, is under one-third the current cost of gasoline. A full overnight charge might cost a dollar. The car accelerates like a cheetah, though quietly.

The silence of the car is attributed to the fur coating which is claimed to absorb all the noise that is generated from under the hood as well as whatever noise the creatures housed inside the car. Also, the company also claims that the fur will help preventing the car from getting scratches by repeated attacks from the city traffic and the stray and not so stray dogs that seem to be attracted more to the fur than to the tires where they generally like to raise a foot and mark territories indiscretely. The reason for this attraction can be attributed to the wet dog smell that starts emanating from the fur soon after it leaves the showroom.

Coming back to protective properties of the fur coating, the company also claims that in the unlikely or may be somewhat likely (due to the slight oversteer inherent in the new variant, which tends to make the car skid uncontrolably at high speeds) event of a crash, besides cushioning the impact, the fur will also hide any damage to the body of the car (though no such guarantee is offered for the bodies of passengers in the car) thereby reducing the maintenance costs.

The Pshita will initially be launched in two variants - the U-GLI and the U-GLI-R. The Pshita U-GLI variant is priced at Rs 4.27 lakh (ex-showroom, Delhi), while the Pshita U-GLI-R variant is priced at Rs 4.42 lakh (ex-showroom, Delhi)," the statement said.

- News you can lose

Disclaimer: This article is presented in good jest and is intended to be taken in that way. It is purely fictional and bears no resemblance with any thing or person in whatever state of matter.

Unusual Games

Ever imagine serving in a badminton game using a "toss the shuttle in the air and hit it hard" serve very much like a classic tennis styled serve. Not too difficult to imagine right?

But imagine miming a complete high intensity badminton rally but without the shuttle. Thus they play badminton too...

Imagine a backhand smash with a mere flick of a wrist... huh, how do u do that??.. thus they play badminton too...

Best of all imagine someone playing badminton as if the arm - from shoulder to elbow- is tied to the body and then twisting and turning to hit the shuttle.. quite some dance, aint it???... thus they play badminton too...

Been there.. done that... thus we'd been playing badminton!!!

The Consultant

No... I am not thinking of writing a book John Grisham style...nor am I am trying to have a Gyaan Sharing session.. or may be I am...
"A consultant (from the Latin consultare means "to discuss" from which we also derive words such as consul and counsel) is a professional who provides advice in a particular area of expertise."
What does a consultant do.. of course.. you consult him for stuff...

CONSULT = CON + INSULT

going by this equation all a consultant would be doing is

• CON you by stating that you face certain problems that you never knew you faced
• then INSULT you by calling you a failure for not having foreseen these not so perceptible problems.

That concludes my funda # 420

Re-Branding!!!

Rebranding is the process by which a product or service developed with one brand or company or product line affiliation is marketed or distributed with a different identity. This involves radical changes to the brand's logo, brand name, image, marketing strategy, and advertising themes. It usually results in the repositioning of the brand / company. It may just involve merely superficial changes....
Well this ain't a Branding gyan session..
Just happened to see a hawker selling some shiny coloured beads at the railway station. A week back he was shouting out "china.. china..china...china"... today the same guy was selling the same stuff but shouting "magic balls.. magic balls.."
Ain't that height of rebranding... or should I say(to be politically correct).. Rebranding at the grass root level!!!

Thoughtful thinking

Here's a gem from Calvin and Hobbes:
Calvin: Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak.
Hobbes: Probably so we can think twice!!!

Philosophy from the cartoon strip.. sounds a great title for a potential best seller, ain't it?

Speaking of philosophy... how bout some mathematical philosophy
There are 12 people who THINK and therefore they EXIST. If 8 people commit suicide and 3 stop thinking, how many are left??
THINK!!!
or should I say.. OBSERVE & THINK!!!

A little more Hedonism

Talking about being a hedonist... Here's something that a friend had put as his Gtalk tagline:
"I am the perfect antonym for every woman's dream man - tall, dark and handsome. I'm short, wheatish and ugly"
What does that have to do with being a hedonist…actually is almost the opposite.

But who the hell cares bout what others think.. I write what I feel like!!!

Myself

I am a teapot short and stout...
this is my handle and this is my spout...
when the water's boiling here me shout...

Yeah this is the precise thing that I had written when I was asked to write an essay (my first one) on Myself. Wonder what i was thinking.... maybe wasn't that much of a hedonist then... or would have written I AM GREAT... in the very beginning of the that damn essay.

Ek Sharaabi Shaayar

Arz kiya hai

Piye toh piye kaise...bina aapke...
Chadti nahin koi bhi (sharaab) bina aapke...
Piye toh piye kaise...haaeeey bina aapke...
Chadti nahin koi bhi...bina aapke...

Kaise kahun bina tere Whisky bhi yeh kya hogi..
Kaise kahun bina tere Whisky bhi yeh kya hogi..
Jaise koi sazaa koi kadwi dawaa hogi...
maine kiya hai.. yeh faisla...peena nahin hai tere binaaaa...

Piye toh piye kaise...bina aapke...
Chadti nahin koi bhi... bina aapke...

Isi baat par ek aur jaam ho jaye?? ;)

Justifications!!

Just thinking bout the just justifications that i could justly do so as to justify certain justifiable actions of mine that might justly be wanting justified justifications from certain just too good readers who are justly justified in seeking just justifications!!

Some of you might have noticed that the last few posts have taken shape in a matter of minutes!! Not that all of a sudden the literary demon that lies inside me has awoken all of a sudden and started regurgitating literary "jewels".. its just that the hedonist has been reorganizing (yeah the American spelling maan!!) or should I say rationalizing my blogs for ease or may be unease(not sure whether such a word exists in that particular context.. but who cares a damn... have coined it.. you see.. literary license.. to kill.. even if it were with a typo ;)....) of reading or may be some other reason thats best left unknown for the good of humanity... like the proverb goes.. ignorance is bliss!!!

Hedonist to the core...

Mush Talk

P: S, if we marry what kid do you want, boy or gal?
S: Hey, I prefer a boy
P: What??? But most of the guys prefer a gal.
S: Yes dear. What you said is right. See, in most of the families, Mamma prefers a guy and papa prefers a gal. That’s quite nature, its universal truth. But I don’t to share my love to anyone except you even in the form of daughter. You always be the only female who I love, my sweetheart.
P: (after a long silence) When is our marriage???

Well, the above dialogues are between me and a friend of mine. Hey this doesn’t mean that we are going to get together in a funny bon(e)d called marriage (hey just noticed we can spell together as To Get Her.. Changes the meaning completely).

Here's some of my most fav dialogues that portray the "romanticest" of feelings

Movie: Phenomenon
Will you love me the rest of my life?
No, I'll love you the rest of mine.

Movie: When Harry Met Sally
Harry: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Movie: Love story
What can you say about a twenty-five-year-old girl who died? That she was beautiful and brilliant? That she loved Mozart and Bach, the Beatles, and me?

Movie: City of Angels
"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it."

And the best one
Would probably sweep any girl off her feet…from Monster-in-Law!!!

Girl: "What color are my eyes?" she asks, facing him with her eyes closed.
Boy: "Well, at first glance your eyes are brown. But when the light hits them, they change to amber. And if you look really close around the iris, the color is pure honey. But, when you look into the sun, they almost look green....that's my favorite."

Can you think of more???

Unsolicited Emails

Few months back, our class yahoo group was tormented by a flurry of accusations and counter-accusations which all stemmed from a puny sms (powered by Hutch) which might have been delayed - due to any reasons whatsoever... thats not the point of discussion of this post - not withstanding the fact that this flurry of emails were themselves quite unsolicited. But thanks to this flurry (am I getting very repetitive?), a certain group of mind-screwing email terrorists like your's truly was born to "Save the world from unsolicited emails and SMSes"... yeah whatever... but don't mistake us for any kind of superheroes wearing their Bright Undies outside their pants.

Well it seems that this group of highly hedonistic mind-numbing brain damagers has cut down on their literary warfare or may be gone into premature retirement. And this might just be a cause of celebration among certain sections of the society which might be called an anti-social email forwarding species mutated from the well known homo-sapiens sapiens who had been in the line of fire from the mind screwers for relentlessly forwarding useless stuff everywhere.

But these forwarding parasites beware.. cuz there is an ultimate tool that has just been developed to counter your daily dose of Unsolicited forwards... nothing complicated, just another mind numbing email... though this time it is automated... so the mind screwers can sleep in peace and yet carry on their good work by a simple autoreply.. if only i cud get that thing to work properly. lets see.. it goes something like this


<error type="com.lonflonf.core.script.js.TeamWorksJavaScriptException" description="TeamWorksJavaScriptException">
<cause type="java.lang.Throwable" description="cause" />
<localizedMessage type="java.lang.String" description="String">Runtime error in script ("Process: 'LogInfo' ProcessItem: 'Log information' Type: 'ITEM'" -1:-1).Internal Script error: com.lonflonf.server.core.UndeclaredVariableRuntimeException

com.lonflonf.component.common.worker.TWComponentWorkerException: <error type="com.lonflonf.core.script.js.TeamWorksJavaScriptException" description="TeamWorksJavaScriptException">
<cause type="java.lang.Throwable" description="cause" />
<localizedMessage type="java.lang.String" description="String">Runtime error in script ("Process: 'LogInfo' ProcessItem: 'Log information' Type: 'ITEM'" -1:-1).Internal Script error: com.lonflonf.server.core.UndeclaredVariableRuntimeException
</localizedMessage>
<script type="com.lonflonf.core.script.js.EmbededJScript" description="EmbededJScript">
<parsedScript type="java.lang.String" description="String">var out = tw.local.logName; // line 1
out
</parsedScript>
</script>
<stackTrace type="[Ljava.lang.StackTraceElement;" description="StackTraceElement;">
</stackTrace>
<toString>[TeamworksException name='Process: 'LogInfo' ProcessItem: 'Log information' Type: 'ITEM'', message='Internal Script error: com.lonflonf.server.core.UndeclaredVariableRuntimeException', line=-1, pos=-1 nested=&lt;none&gt;]</toString>
<stackTrace>[TeamworksException name='Process: 'LogInfo' ProcessItem: 'Log information' Type: 'ITEM'', message='Internal Script error: com.lonflonf.server.core.UndeclaredVariableRuntimeException', line=-1, pos=-1 nested=&lt;none&gt;]
at com.lonflonf.core.script.js.JavaScriptRunner.execute(Lcom/lonflonf/core/script/
JavaScriptContext;Ljava/lang/Object;Ljava/lang/String;)Ljava/lang/Object;
(Optimized Method)
at java.lang.Thread.startThreadFromVM(Ljava/lang/Thread;)V(Optimized Method)
</stackTrace>
</error>
at java.lang.Thread.run()V(Optimized Method)
at java.lang.Thread.startThreadFromVM(Ljava/lang/Thread;)V(Optimized Method)
/error>

Save me... I have been threatfully threatened threatful action by certain countries against the use of this WMD ;)

Hedonist to the Core

The First Post!!!
Like someone (I forget the name of this person ;) ) said "It's hard to be humble when you are so great!!"
Nothing much to say beyond that... the rest shall be evident in due course!!!